Melinda's Miscellaneous Musings

Embracing a Stained Carpet Life

2011-11-15T19:26:00.001-08:00

We've been living in the same home for 23 years. For the most part, we've raised and launched our 4 kids from here. In that time, we've hosted birthday parties, community meetings, committees, campaign gatherings, memorials, church groups, traveling friends and extended family holiday celebrations.

About 10 years into living here, we replaced the carpets. 13 (almost 14) years have passed through, as have multiple shedding pets, sticky-fingered exploring children and animated beverage-holding adults.

I vacuum twice a week. The carpets have been cleaned and freshened up, every year. Even with that maintenance and care, they show their age. The carpet is worn and rather permanently altered in a number of areas, sort of like us, the empty-nesters, that remain here.

We, and the carpet, have evidence of experiencing so much life!

A few years ago, I was very ready to have the carpet torn out and fresh, unstained carpet put in. Those stains just jumped out at me. The stains were what I noticed, when I looked at the rooms in the house. Well, those and the worn out kitchen cupboard doors, the faded curtains and the couches that slump toward the middle.

We were ready to spruce up, revamp and replace all that was worn, anxious to have things look new again.

Then something happened:
there were big bills to pay for the chapter of life that we found ourselves in.

The worn carpets...and cupboards,
curtains and couches needed to remain,
as is...like us.

Older.

How deflating.

How embarrassing.

In a culture that favors youth and smoothness, newness and flair...our home interior
and ourselves,
did not fit like we use to.

A quick look in the living room...or in the mirror,
left us feeling out of place,
less of value,
less presentable.

Then came the unexpected
revelation and liberation.

If the carpets, cupboards, curtains and couches are already showing wear,
like us,
that leaves us care-free
to entertain with abandon.

No additional stain, sag, wrinkle, smudge, snag or crack,
could make any noticeable difference.

The bondage
of keeping everything 'just so'
has no more rule over us.

We are embracing and
celebrating this reprieve.

We, and our home,
are stained and worn,
but our hearts and hospitality
are clean and fresh!

The Lesson of the Tree

2011-11-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

I learned something from watching a tree,
during a strong wind.

It swayed in the direction the harsh wind pushed it to.

It didn't strain against the wind,
as if to argue its case.

It endured the wind and survived,
ready to enjoy a change of weather,
once it comes.

It was healthy and didn't topple,
because the roots are strong and deep.

Some weaker branches were torn off and wounded the tree,
but the overall structure of the tree survives.

Often, it thrives.

It's been proven that trees that have been through harsh seasons,
have stronger and deeper roots,
than those growing in milder climates.

I need to heed and embrace the lesson of the tree.

Mental Illness Within a Church Community

2011-11-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

Why is mental illness so often treated differently than other illnesses, in a church environment? A person who reveals that he or she is battling a mental health issue, is often informed that much of the mental illness is based on their personal sinfulness or living in a selfish nature. Would we tell a person battling cancer that they have such an illness because they do not walk closely enough with God or because they are being selfish? Of course not!

So what is the problem and what can we do to change it?

I believe education is the best tool for combating insensitive and inaccurate 'advice'. I can't tell you how many times I've learned of people being wrongly 'diagnosed' by well-intentioned, ill-informed Christ-followers. 'Treatment' prescribed by such believers, are things like spending more time with God (shouldn't we all?), confess and repent something (shouldn't we all?), be more thankful/count your blessings (shouldn't we all?), etc. Making a person feel more sinful than everyone else, because of a mental health issue is counter-productive. I suggest that we, as individuals, take the time to educate ourselves on what mental illness really is. There is a wealth of information, readily available, on the Internet. A good place to start is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

So what can we do beside becoming better educated in this subject? Treat it like any other illness. Do you send a note, email or text message to someone, when they are ill, to tell them you miss them or are thinking of them? Do you provide a meal? Do you offer some entertainment, like a fun movie to watch or book to read, some conversation? Do you offer to make the load a bit lighter by running an errand or doing a chore? Do you relax your expectations, schedule-wise, while recouping? Do you offer a distraction and give encouragement by scheduling a visit-time, if it is welcomed? Do you offer help with transportation to appointments? When a person battles depression or other mental illness, we too-often treat the person like they are actually healthy and just need to get their act together. We would never do that for someone battling other chronic illnesses.

Speaking of 'battling', that is exactly what it is: a battle. Join the person in battling depression or other mental illness. When we do any of the things mentioned above, we are battle soldiers along with them. We can pray with or for the person. We can note their progress (however small). We refrain from belittling when there are steps backward. We can stomp out peripheral gossip or criticism and grab the opportunity to educate those who do not understand.

I am so thankful that my church family is growing in awareness, in this area. Many are actively engaged in standing beside each other, as we battle mental illness and support each other with love trumping all possible obstacles. We have a long way to go (don't we always?), but I am rejoicing at how far we have come, as a community.

If we consider that, in the USA alone, tens of millions of people are battling mental illness, each year, chances are good that we all know several people who are in a personal battle to find clear, rational thinking. Chances are good that each of you reading this have been in such a battle, for your own mental health, or will be at some point in your lifetime.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for guiding us in this and making us more sensitive, more loving, more about You. You are our Counselor, our Comforter, Physician and Prince of Peace. Please forgive us for the ignorance and apathy of our past. May we continue to grow to be more like Christ. May You show us how to be a part of what heals and makes us whole, not what decays and divides us. Father, may Your will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven. In Jesus name, Amen!

All of Some

2011-10-25T00:28:00.000-07:00

People are similar to a box of crayons.

Photo courtesy photos-public-domain.com

Some are perfectly shaped.
Some are differently contoured.

Some are overlooked.

Some are favorites.

Some are assertive.

Some are neutral.

Some are sharp.

Some are dull.

Some are broken.

Some are mended.

Some look new.

Some are wearing out.

All have names.

All are made of the same basic composition.

All have a usefulness.

All have a breaking point.

All leave a mark.

All are different colors.

All are important.

All come in the same wrappers.

All share the same box.

All have potential.

Conversational Prayer

2011-10-17T16:42:00.000-07:00

I am updating my bulletin board in my office. I do this, from time to time, because it is basically a frame around what is currently drawing my attention. Perhaps it would be better to call it an ‘interests board’ instead of a ‘bulletin board’. It’s about matters that are significant to me. I choose what goes on it. I choose how it is arranged. I choose when to remove something.

I am an ‘I’ person, when arranging my bulletin board.

This is OK on a personal bulletin board. It is not OK in a conversation. It is especially unproductive in prayer...which is basically a conversation, guided by the Holy Spirit and shared with our Father.

We’ve all been involved in circumstances around someone who is an ‘I’ person. The ‘I’ person chooses what topic is addressed. The ‘I’ person is only interested in his or her own opinion. The ‘I’ person has a plan, an order, a process. The ‘I’ person shares this with others in what is, in that person’s perspective, a conversation. The ‘I’ person does not pause for a response, encourage feedback or accept advice. This person is acting more like an information presenter, rather than a participant in a conversation.

We all know our own reactions to having lopsided conversations with an ‘I’ person. Thoughts that come to my mind are often similar to these:

Why is this person telling me this?
My thoughts don’t matter to this person.
My advice is not valued by this person.
This is a waste of my time.

Yet, we often come before God as ‘I’ persons. I know that I have done so. I tell Him all about my plans, what I want to have concluded and what I think would feel better. I have lists. They are prioritized.

I imagine, that His response to me is not too different than what I listed above as my own, when listening to an 'I' person. If I behaved like that at the dinner table, no one would stay and talk with me. More importantly, I would miss the opportunity to gain insights, perspectives and advice.

Conversational Prayer: It’s a dialogue, not a monologue.

Slow Down

2011-10-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that when you walk through an area, you see things that you do not notice when you drive through the same area?

Growing a friendship is like that, too. Friendship grows in unexpected places, not unlike a flower sprouting out of a crack in the sidewalk.

Stay distracted or go by too fast = miss seeing the opportunity to notice friendship potential.

Parenting Adult Kids Has Provided Insight

2011-05-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

My kids are adults now. Our relationship with each other looks different than it did when they were children in need of protection, shaping, training and educating. I have noted a number of analogies about this relationship, that has provided insight to how my heavenly Father parents me.
For example:

When I get notes or attention from my adult kids, just because they want to and not because it is a holiday, it strengthens our relationship.
When one of them shows interest in sharing their day-to-day events with me, I am fascinated and interested.
When my kid is on the right track, I'm thrilled. I want my kid to know that I am pleased.
When that isn't the case, I do all that is in my power to get that kid back on track, yet let the choices they make, be theirs to make.
I'd rather know the truth, even if I don't like it, than have one of them choose to try to deceive me.
Truthfully, I know them so well, that deception is apparent.
All that I have, I give or share willingly with them.
I am glad to encourage strengths that my kids have.
There is nothing that my kids could do, that would ever make me stop loving them or give up hope in their potential for good.
I want what is best for my kids, so that they lead emotionally and physically healthy, spiritually productive lives.
Sometimes we don't agree on what 'best' is.
I have lived a lot longer than they have. With that longevity comes experience and insight. I am glad when they recognize this and seek my advice.
I know that there are valuable lessons to be learned when they disregard or discard my advice.
I like to give my kids something they don't really need, but something that I know they will enjoy, just because it makes me happy to do so.
I am careful to not indulge them too much, though, because I do not want them to come to me, only when they want something.
I also know that what I want most, is for the kid to know he or she is loved by me, and to have the kid love me, in return.

Wisdom & Encouragement

2011-05-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

16 months ago, I was diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses that are typically seen as semi-manageable but not curable. The medical prognosis was for continued deterioration. A stew of prescriptions were recommended. Once started, those medicines become part of a life-long protocol. Those medicines had undesirable side-effects of their own.

At that time, I was shuffling about with the use of a walker and cane.

I told my family of the prognosis. "I have..." these illnesses. Our middle son compassionately listened (actually, he was reading my e-mail, but you get the point) to me, prayed and then wrote to me. "No mom, you don't have them, you are going to be battling them."

See the difference? I did. When he spoke, it was as if a spotlight went on to direct my steps. 'Have' is an inactive consent and acceptance. 'Battling' is an active pursuit and will of change.

I have faced-off with chronic illnesses all of my life. Much of my family has, as well. I think that I was just worn out and faced what seemed to be the inevitable. It was easier.

With my son's encouragement and wise words to motivate me, I waged a strategic battle against having these illnesses. It started with prayer for wisdom in plotting the strategy. That strategy was provided. I came to understand that I was not just a host of the illnesses, but that there had been causes of them. By understanding the cause and effect of my illnesses, I was able to put a plan into place to un-cause it, rather than simply treat the symptoms. The battle plan was revealed.

I never went on the meds. Today is the 7th month without a cane & I am able to walk up and down stairs, unassisted (if you don't count holding on to the railing). I'm not fast, but I am able. Wise man, that son is. I know where his wisdom comes from, too. I go to the same Provider.

This post isn't a treatise against medical protocol. It is a nod to the value of bolstering one another and spurring each other on, when we lose our direction or run out of fuel. It is also a reminder that wisdom trumps protocol. We are also designed to need and benefit from each other. Encouragement and wisdom make for a powerful medicine.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2011-04-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

The Pacific NW is well-known for its rain. Even for us, this is an especially cold and soggy spring. Moans are coming from many about feeling so wistful for days of warmth and sunshine. Over & over I read status updates and tweets sighing, "I can't wait for sun!"

Nature doesn't wait. It doesn't even seem wistful. The flowers are blooming, critters are birthing, birds are playing in puddles and feeding their young. Even our annual battle with the architects of the wasp nest by the play-house has ensued. Everything that isn't human seems content and at ease with the weather.

What does this tell us about being human?

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;

remember that what you now have was once the things you only hoped for."

~Epicurus

Comfort

2011-04-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

I had an epiphany this week. I already knew that I am drawn to opportunities to comfort and encourage people. I had thought of comfort as being soothing, similar to being wrapped in a warm-from-the-dryer blanket. I've learned that the the word 'comfort' is derived from the Latin word 'fortis', which means 'brave'. Originally the word meant someone who puts courage into you. Such nuance!

My former thoughts on comforting were more like 'tucking in' or 'making cozy'. It is more of a sense of re-building, securing and stabilizing. Bringing comfort helps one face what is daunting and aiding to move forward when feeling stuck or broken! It means imbuing confidence, will-power and hope. It means to bolster, shore-up, strengthen and mend. It means being the bandage on someone's wound, to foster healing.

What I thought of before, when thinking of being a comforter, was of offering some sort of immediate relief, even if only temporary. What I think of now is how much that immediate relief can bring renewal and courage, in the longer term.

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world." ~Helen Keller

First Portal

2011-03-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

Confessional:

God is working on this with me. I am so thankful that He is patient!

I have a habit of tending to those in the house in the morning, including our cats, first thing. Then, with coffee cup in hand, I check my various portals of communication (e-mails, texts, Facebook, Twitter). Sadly, too often, I am doing this all before I enter into my most important portal...my time with my heavenly Father. I am embarrassed to say that I am slow to make this my habit.

I know better, too. My day is always more focused, joy-filled and buoyant, when I do so. I guess that I am a slow learner. Anyone else feeling convicted in this area? Why do I put off my prayer time, until mid or late morning...several hours past feeding and talking with the cats? Admittedly, He and I visit throughout the day, every day. However, I should be visiting with Him first thing. Why would I want to miss the opportunity to have my whole day blessed by Him?

Duh.

Divided We Fall

2011-01-31T12:11:00.000-08:00

We humans are pros at alienating. We make divisions. We have rich versus poor, ethnic group versus ethnic group, youth versus aged, labor versus management, gender versus gender, conservative versus liberal, East versus West. With so much opportunity for practicing reconciliation, you'd think we'd have it mastered by now.

Instead, we prefer to hold tight and cry, "Mine!"

Beneath the Duff

2011-01-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

I use to go hiking and camping a lot in the Cascades. I remember the smell and feel of the duff on the forest floor. There is something extraordinary about walking along those pillowed trails. Decaying leaves and branches render a richly plush carpet. I had the sense of walking on history and the future at the same time.

It often intrigued me that so much that appeared to be decaying, could be the host for so much new life. Trees laid on their sides, as if they were giving birth to the ferns and flowers. Moss and lichens decorate the blanket over the tree in a similar way that a designer decorates a gown. Burrows in the sides, under the fallen leaves and bark, led to havens for bugs and animals. The small forest tenants are held safe and fed, like a mother snuggles her newborn to her breast.

Now that my knees aren't as able, I don't go on those hikes. I stick to level ground. Yet the same fascination with duff remains. I was clearing way the duff from under our Japanese Maple this week. The weather is warming and it no longer seemed as necessary to protect the ground beneath it with last year's leaves. As I gently raked away the past, I revealed the present. Primroses were already blooming underneath, silky threads of wild strawberries had started pursuing their new destinations, creeping verbena had donned fresh head-dresses and fat worms wiggled quickly away, as if to hide their nakedness. I was scolded by a squirrel, who was distressed about my being so close to his pantry. The maple was beginning to look pregnant with the buds of the new leaves.

Just moments before raking, the ground showed only a lacy layer of decay. Lifeless. Plain. Beige. Nondescript. Now, exposed are the starts of new and waking life. This is such a metaphor of our lives. When we are in a duff-type of chapter in our lives, it is often hard to see, let alone imagine, that it has usefulness. Yet, without that duff, without the cold dark months of winter, we do not have spring. Spring is in the making, ready to be exposed, hidden under that downy, fragrant duff.

Spring is life coming out of decay. I'm trying to focus on this, when all that I see appears to be decay of what is familiar history. I need to imagine the life, the present and future, forming and just beginning to be revealed.

Gone

2011-01-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

I see you in the store
on my walks
and in my sleep.

Your back is always to me.

I hope, I search
with near-sighted eyes
I hold my breath.

You turn toward me.

I breathe, because I see
that it isn't you
after all.

I return to tasks at hand.

My rhythm continues
inhale and exhale
working, sleeping, praying.

But always, you are there.

Waiting to Send

2011-01-08T14:44:00.000-08:00

So many words

left tethered

unwelcome

unreleasable.

Like a draft

waiting in the 'send' folder

just needing an address

that comes with permission.

I wonder if those words

will ever know

flight, freedom, welcome

or reply.

Former mail

with address known

were sent to the trash

like unwanted spam

not unlike our relationship.

I treasure a file

in my memory

a search engine

that has your name in it.

I wait, hope, hover

by the uncertainty

of the collection

in my drafts folder.

I keep adding to them.

I will not

give up, forget or

delete them.

Prayer is a Lot Like a Storm Drain

2010-10-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

Prayer is a lot like a storm drain.
Our thoughts, worries and decisions flow toward our Father God.
We drain them to Him.

Sometimes, those storm drains get clogged.

This past week, we saw the sky become ripe with rain.
The wind assaulted the trees. The leaves lost their grip on the branches.
A cold conveyor belt of rain water pulled the leaves toward the storm drain.
There was so much water and so many leaves,
that the storm drain was plugged up.
Little could pass through it.

Sometimes our needs are so heavy and so numerous,
that we are overwhelmed.
Our ability to drain our thoughts to Father God, feel ... plugged up.

My life is in such a storm, filled with chronic family illnesses,
wounded relationships, taunting rumors and towering medical bills.

So many thoughts swirl in my mind, that I just don't know where to start, when pleading for intercession. My prayer time is a lot like that plugged up storm drain.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit knows my thoughts and rakes my storm drain clear.
How? The Holy Spirit does the interceding, on my behalf.

I know this, due to this verse:

Romans 8:26 (NIV)
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
We do not know what we ought to pray for,
but the Spirit himself intercedes for us
with groans that words cannot express.”

Let's Play a Game!

2010-10-16T21:38:00.000-07:00

"Let's play a game!"

Depending on the circumstances, the relationship dynamic and our individual preferences, we all have a response to that statement. Right?

For some of us, the first inclination is to flee.

The next person thinks, "Yes! Game on!"

For another, the gut response is, "What's in it for me?"

Someone else thinks, "Well only if it isn't one of those wimpy games of chance. If it's a strategy game, I'm in!"

Then, there are those 'ice breaker' games. They are designed to help a group of people get to know each other better and grease the wheels of future conversation. If you are an introvert, you wish you had called in sick.

Some games are geared more toward the artist, the communicator or the strategist. Heaven forbid if the game suggested is not in your area of potentially winning skill.

If it's me, my thoughts are,"Only if we can converse during the game and people don't take it too seriously." I am not a competitive person. I would rather let the other guy win and hope it helps him feel better about himself.

Or, in all honesty, I fear the other prospect: a team game. Ugh. My heart sinks at the very thought of it. I was always one of those who is last to be chosen for a team, whether for a sport or for a game of guessing. That was during the days that I actually thought I like team sports!

I dread having people get angry over what seem like such little things to me, when the game starts to really heat up. Others don't see the point in playing unless things really start to heat up. I'll watch basketball on TV, without sound or captioning, just so I don't have to hear the negative comments from opposing fans. That's just me. I crumble at trash talk. Can't take it.

Yet, that same kind of intense game is the only kind of game worth playing, for the next person. Tag football becomes a life or death situation to the person who needs that kind of emotional release.

None of these preferences are right of wrong. They are simply preferences and honest reactions.

“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” ~Plato

So, given your preference, what kind of game do you prefer to play?
In my case, I am not competitive, in the least. I prefer games that are no-one-wins sorts of games. I am thinking of the type where you read a card out of a box, with a question on it, and answer it. Pass the box to the next person and learn something new about the next person and so on. Most of my family would rather eat nails, than play that kind of game.

Your turn.

Some Things That I've Learned in My 50 Years:

2010-10-02T23:35:00.000-07:00

I can’t make someone want to be my friend. I can, however, be friendly.
Each new generation sheds the preferences of the past generation, as if it were molting.
No matter how wonderful I think a food is, I can’t make someone else like it.
Pennies and Legos can successfully pass through the digestive tract of a 3 year old.
When an adult child is freshly launched, a parent sees his or her face just about everywhere. Even grocery shopping becomes a trip down Memory Lane.
I can be hospitable, even if my home is not picture-perfect.
My mother-in-law behaves the way she does, because she loves her son.
If I must find a new destination, I will probably get lost.
The men in my family will turn almost any object into a make-believe light saber.
Mistakes and failure happen and it is not a sign of weakness.
I favor people who clean up after themselves.
Going to church is exciting. Proof: two of our elementary aged kids were able to successfully set off several dozen car alarms in the church parking lot on their way in to Sunday School.
Children savor independence when they move out. So do their parents.
A grieving person should not be left alone, just because I do not know what to say.
The thrill of an animal being friendly, trusting and accepting is sheer bliss.
I can (and have) host a party that will unintentionally cause the neighbors to call the police.
The word ‘old’ is being redefined by me, as I age.
Observing a child grow up to be a loving, confident, productive adult is awesome and not to be taken for granted.
I do not thrive in isolation.
If there is dog-doo in the path, my shoe will find it.
I should always leave loved ones with loving words. It could be my last opportunity to.
A way to guarantee someone will drop by is for me to stay in my pajamas during the day.
I can endure more than I had ever dreamed would be possible.
Loving someone does not come without disappointment and hurt, but is worth it.
23 slugs can fit inside a Frisbee, but only one goes in the mouth of a 4 year old.
We teach the young people in our lives, then they grow up and teach us.
It does, indeed, disrupt the church service when 50 grasshoppers are released from the front pew.
The best gifts are the gift of love, time, attention and assistance.
A parent should never say that a child’s dream is unlikely or outlandish.
I enjoy debating. Evidently that is an acquired taste for others.
Credentials do not guarantee a person is capable.
Each new driver in the family will lock keys inside the car at least 4 times in their first 6 months of driving.
What you do for pay does not define who you are. What you do, without being paid, does.
A glass of water on the carpet will not tip over. A glass of berry smoothie will.

Been Given the Slip-Knot Lately?

2010-09-10T16:01:00.000-07:00

There seems to be an increase in persons who give slip-knot answers. What? You don't know what those are? It's when a person is asked to do/go/attend something and the person agrees to it, while simultaneously plotting the method to back-out of actually having to doing so. Why say 'yes' if there is no intention of follow through?

Has anyone else noticed this? Is 'yes', with a loop-hole, the new 'no'?

No! Not Me! Not Now!

2010-08-29T19:04:00.000-07:00

I am an enthusiastic intercessor. Praying is like breathing, to me. It comes easily and I delight in it. That being so, I should have been thrilled with the thought of attending church on a prayer and healing service Sunday. I have witnessed miraculous healing, peace making, relational healing in numbers beyond my counting. I have experienced it in my own life and in those I have had the privilege of praying with and for.

God knows how we are designed. He sees the knots and barricades and knows how to remove them. I believe this unswervingly. That's why I usually embrace the opportunity of a Prayer and Healing Service.

Instead of being excited about this service, I was wrestling with not going, or at least not joining the team to pray over people. How could I, a person with a cane, hearing aids, rosacea, weight struggles, financial and family issues possibly look to be a likely person to go to pray with for healing?

Thoughts plagued me like, 'What if my going up to the front of the sanctuary actually impedes someone from coming forward? What if they see my un-healed symptoms or know of our family issues and my being up there prevents them from coming forward to seek healing? What if my being there causes them to doubt that God listens and heals?' I would not be evidence of that, from outward appearance. If I believe that God listens to our prayers, than why haven't all of my issues been wiped clean? The 'what if' thoughts haunted me all week. I cried over them. I prayed over them. I sought counsel. I asked friends to pray. I searched His inspired word. I mostly looked for validation of my choice to not join the team up front.

I wrestled with what seemed to be an irony that just seemed so wrong. Why would God choose to not heal me, or my family, when He allows his Holy Spirit to guide the very prayers I pray, that often bring healing and hope to other people? It seemed like rather bad marketing on His part, if you understand what I am saying. Why ask for healing and prayer in the presence of someone in so much need of healing and prayer herself?

This morning God made it clear that He planned to use even me. Staying in my seat during prayer and healing time, instead of moving to the front of the room to pray over anyone who asked for it, was not an option. I was to be obedient to His plan and His purpose. I am designed to pray.

Everyone in the church has areas in their lives that are unhealed, at this time. Everyone. Some are more physically obvious, like wearing hearing aids, having blotchy skin or walking with a cane. Some are just as challenging but more invisible like loneliness, mental illness, chronic unemployment, injured relationships, issues of self-worth, or even physical needs that can not be seen.

Just as I have experienced many miracles in my life, a person just observing me can not see those 'successes' in the same evidenced way that he or she can see when looking at my limp or observing my lip-reading eyes. I can not wear my witnessed-miracle-history on my shirt, like a resume, to prove my worthiness. In fact, it was my very lack of feeling worthy or useful, that my Father pointed out and said, "...and I still choose you." If He chooses me, who am I to argue?

Is there some area of ministry that you feel drawn to participate in, but feel unmarketable or unworthy to do so? Talk to the Boss, our Heavenly Father, and ask Him if he is 'hiring' you in this area. If He is, you have the best guide available to you. You have the Holy Spirit. You may think you fail along the way or think that you don't measure up. He still chooses and uses you for His good, in spite of you.

After all, as my friend Julie Reid pointed out,

"Puts everything in perspective. He is God, and I am not. Whew....like I really needed the reminder?!"

U-Turns, Back-Tracks and View Points

2010-07-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am so inept at finding unfamiliar locations. I've considered buying a GPS for the car. Lately, however, even my mind needs a GPS to recall where it was I was about to go with my thoughts.

If there was such a thing as a mind mapping of the directions of our thoughts, those observing mine would likely get motion sick or develop vertigo.

I am learning to relinquish control of the path my thoughts traverse. I am becoming more content with where my thoughts will lead me. If my travel gets me lost but to a new destination, then I may find solutions to some of my dilemmas and find some adventure in the process. Clearly, trying the same paths over and over again will not lead me to new destinations and insights.

Blue Screen Syndrome?

2010-07-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

One challenge of aging is the collection of insight that comes from life experience.

It's like data overload.

Since experience continues to be the best teacher (vs. enlightening younger people),

there are few welcomed uses for all of that insight/data.

(photo from vision.org)

As time marches on,

I wish that I came with an external hard drive, though.

Then, I could at least remember what I've learned, for my own sake.

Group Solitaire Anyone?

2010-07-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been stuck

in a 'conversation'

that is simply a monologue

played out in the presence of a witness?

That's not having a conversation, people!

It's like saying you played tennis,

when all that you did was hit a tennis ball against a wall.

Friendships Are Built By Time Spent Together

2010-07-20T16:09:00.000-07:00

I was working on a service project this morning.

We were chatting about what attributes

seem to be what 'gel' our closest friendships.

Honesty, discretion, truthfulness, proximity, similar life stage,

political stance, faith, similar recreational interests, etc.

Interestingly, the one thing that most often defined

who each of us felt closest to,

wasn't on that list.

What was that one thing?

It was availability.

Does anyone find themselves

studying the lessons from this, besides me?

There seem to be so many!

Talking

2010-07-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Noted: 2 monologues do not make a dialogue.

Invalid

2010-07-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

invalidism - The condition of an invalid; sickness; infirmity

invalidity - illogicality as a consequence of having a conclusion that does not follow from the premises

What I have learned from bouts of being chronically ill
is the connection between being an invalid
and becoming invalid within a social circle.

Our social structure sits on a foundation of ease.
When it is no longer easy to be social with someone
that structure often collapses.

Most of us relate best to the people we spend the most time with.
If there is a job change, residential change or health change
it often means that the friendships evolve along with it.

Often, that evolution leads to the crippling of the relationships.

So, the person who is removed from the work setting,
due to health problems, loses that social web.

If the person also loses the ability to be involved in the neighborhood
their place in the community also seems to be quickly filled
like quicksand.

At first the loss is apparent.
Then the loss is hardly noticed by the community.

Yet, the same person still feels a longing to be connected
to the social structures that had become comforting and familiar.

Those structures stay in place, briefly.
It takes effort to keep them in place,
when it is no longer easy to simply cross paths.

The banter stops.
The inside jokes dwindle.
The sense that there is something valuable missing fades.

The invalidism often becomes invalidity.

Isn't the ill person still the same person?

Isn't it there still value in the friendship?

When did friendship become a matter of easiness
rather than relationship?

Are we oriented to be a disposable society?

Are we a society of convenience?

Do we opt for immediate gratification?

Should friendships be single use?

Thrown away when no longer convenient?

Spoken

2010-07-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

Oh words,

your charades,

what mythical costumes

you can disguise lies with.

Anxiety Disorder, Locked in Encore

2010-05-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

The Scream, painted by Edvard Munch

Wrestled dreams
nag vivid traces
of faces
and places
that teams
with tears
thrashing fears
jarred by waking
sober silence
defiance
quaking
heart-breaking.

Gasping
grasping high
the crumbling wall
grabbing stability
jabbing senility
crouching
slouching
postures shape
narrow escape
taunting
haunting past.

Distorting
contorting aghast
amassed past
recast costumed
charades
counterfeit parades
of memories
stories with
characters miscast
rewriting the past.

Encore
after unrelenting
encore.

Vacancy

2010-05-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

His bedroom floor was
littered with shoes
like sprinkles on a cupcake.

School backpack
spilling evidence of work
across the floor.

The hamper bulged full
like the throat of a frog
about to croak.

His phone buzzed
keyboard clicked, counterpoint
as his feet & voice rehearsed.

Dinner conversations
were comic monologues
& theological insights.

At many day's end
we'd pray together
sharing thanks & requests.

Fluffy straightened bed
you are too well made
and so very empty.

You call to a boy
that is now a man
& that room is vacant.

You are but a cocoon
a vacant shell
of the amazing man he now is.

Twin bed, your voice
can only be heard
by the ears of my heart.

I'll keep you company
looking out his window
& sit on your edge.

Together, we will savor
memories that fill
this silent room.

Let me linger
as I thank the Lord
for this wonderful man.

Bed, let me hold
your pillow tightly
in my empty arms.

Keep me company
as I rejoice in this boy
that's now a man.

Was He Correct?

2010-03-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

"In answer to your inquiry, I consider that the chief dangers which confront the coming century will be religion without the Holy Ghost, Christianity without Christ, forgiveness without repentance, salvation without regeneration, politics without God, and heaven without hell.”

~William Booth quotes (English Spiritual leader, founder and general of the Salvation Army. 1829-1916)

Driven by Memories

2010-01-27T07:39:00.000-08:00

Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us.
~Oscar Wilde, "The Importance of Being Earnest"

Are the memories that shape the landscape of your thoughts, ones that add beauty to your journey or ones that haunt you and scare you from your path? All too often, for me, they are the ones that scare me into the camouflaged hiding spaces of their shadows. My most dominant, derailing, negative memories are of being rejected.

When I turn away from an opportunity, for fear of failure, pain or re-enactment of past embarrassments, it is easy to slip into the shadows and hope to go unnoticed. That is my avoidance detour.

When I join those memories in the secret shadows of my avoidance, it is not just me that is hiding. They are also obscured from sight. I often don't recognize why I have turned away from opportunity.

Do you ever do that?

I am trying harder, lately, to stay on the road. I am trying harder to be discerning of why my responses are what they are. I'm asking myself the hard question of, "Am I really not able to do that task or am I just afraid that I might not be able to do that task?" Is it my fear of being unable, of being mocked, abandoned, not chosen, not good enough that is derailing a choice to try, just because that has been a past outcome?

What if I could be successful and the only way to find out is to risk not being successful at something? If memories show that I was not successful at something in the past, does it mean it is always going to be that way?

I need to travel more in the daylight of my life journey. No lurking in the shadows. This means risk. This means taking full advantage of all of the amenities of my mode of transportation. This means moving on with my journey.

"We can not change our memories,
but we can change their meaning
and the power they have over us."
~David Seamands

2010-01-26T11:04:00.000-08:00

A dear friend lost her battle with cancer 2 weeks ago. Her memorial service was last weekend.

Battling cancer isn't pretty, pleasant or panic-free. There is so much more to battle than the physical cancerous aspect.

A video was played at her service, addressing this aspect. It was played at her request. I'm sharing it here.

While We Have the Chance

2010-01-23T11:30:00.000-08:00

A way of thinking that has become my mantra, of sorts:

Present my family & friends with their 'eulogies' now.
They won't be able to hear how much I love them
& appreciate them
from inside the coffin.

Dark Days of Winter Delight

2010-01-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

My friend, Kathy Boise Vick, offered a question:

"How do you combat the dark days of January?"

It's a good question! Certainly we all have our favorite ways to do this! It seems to be especially needed once all of the holiday decorations have been taken down, work and school schedules have resumed, family has departed and parties have trickled out. It's quite an abrupt change!

These are some of my ways to bring pleasure out of the dark days.

Sensual stimulation to embrace those dark days:

Smell: Set out something outdoorsy fresh & fragrant, like a rosemary plant in the house.

See: Flickers of light from a fireplace and candles, plus white lights left up around the kitchen and dining room windows take advantage of the dark backdrop of winter.

Touch: Comforting, cozy, plush lap blankets in easy access throughout house (even our guests grab them to snuggle up with). We have several thickly brushed flannels and mock fur ones.

Taste: There is nothing like eating something at dinner, that has been simmering all afternoon! We rarely simmer in the summer! As well, the repertoire of tantalizing hot drinks is almost endless and delightful to hold, warming our hands and soothing our minds.

Hear: Light, bright music (for those who can hear) and the best music of all, laughter evoked from time spent together playing games with family and friends indoors! Another thing worthy of hearing is to listen to stories about childhood from older family members and friends. If you have access to ways of recording these memories, they will gain in value to you, over time.

How do you embrace the dark days?

Deceptive

2009-12-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

The sky is brilliantly blue.

The grass is vividly green.

There appears to be a gentle breeze tickling the bushes.

How deceptive.

One could think it is warm and inviting out.

Yet, it is 27 degrees, with a bone-chilling east wind.

This is not unlike the outward facade,

that so many of us project, to the world.

We are carefully looking sunny and warm,

but are secretly shivering and quivering inside.

Why do we do that?

The Fringe Group

2009-11-16T17:36:00.000-08:00

I spent the better part of a decade working in youth ministry. I am inspired by young people and I savor building friendships with them. It feels like settling into my most comfortable clothes, when I am surrounded by passionate, dream-filled, bluntly honest young people.

The groups in the student ministry were often very large. There would be those who would want to be up close to where anything was going on. There were those that were more cautious and reluctant and hung further back. There were those that created the fringe of the rug of students. They stayed as far away from the throb of the focus, as was possible. They were somewhat disconnected but still loosely tied in. They framed the ministry.

The fringe group were often kids that I had not previously met. I did not know their families, let alone what their interests were. Yet, they were the ones my heart melted for. At first it is awkward to connect with someone that is not familiar. What if I am greeted with a cold shoulder? What if I can not find common ground for conversation? What if I'm shrugged off as too old?

For many years, my adult daughter volunteered in youth ministry, alongside me. We both savored the fringe group. We were drawn to it like a toddler is drawn to the worn-out fringe on the edge of his favorite blankie. We savored their stories and their honesty. They kept us from getting stagnant in our friend groups. They sponged up offers to pray together about the chapter of story that they were in. They returned to us with updates.

The benefit of reaching out to the people that we craved to know, far out-weighed staying in our comfort zone. It just took a bit of a jump to get over that initial hurdle.

What group are you drawn to? Is it a particular age group, gender, skill group? What are you doing about it?

Farewell, For Now

2009-11-12T10:00:00.001-08:00

Many of you are returning home for Thanksgiving or winter break.
Many of you are expecting the return of your family during that time.
We look forward to it so much. That time slips by with an accelerated clock, doesn't it?

I recently found a short poem that I wrote a while back. I wrote this when one of our adult kids was en route back to college after one of his home-visits. Being as we are heading into that season of home-visits, once again, I thought I would post it.

On Your Own
How do I say this?
Surely you know...
How do I say this?
I don't want you to go...
How do I say this?
Your time home's too short.
How do I say this?
Home's only your port.
From here you will be
steadying your footing.
From here you will be
a graft from our rooting.

Making Decisions

2009-11-11T16:44:00.000-08:00

Photo by Dieter Zander. See other photos of his here.

Begin with prayer.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)
Define the decision. Ask yourself if the decision involves a moral or non-moral area.
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. (NIV)
Be ready to accept and obey God's answer.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)
Exercise faith.
Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. (NIV)
Seek concrete direction. Begin investigating, evaluating and gathering information. .
Make a list. First write down the priorities you believe God would have in your situation. These are not the things that are important to you, but rather the things that are most important to God in this decision. Will the outcome of your decision draw you closer to God? Will it glorify him in your life? How will it impact those around you?
Weigh the decision. Make a list of the pros and cons connected with the decision. You may find that something on your list clearly violates the revealed will of God in his Word. If so, you have your answer. This is not his will. If not, then you now have a realistic picture of your options to help you make a responsible decision.
Choose your spiritual priorities. By this time you should have enough information to establish your spiritual priorities as they relate to the decision. Ask yourself which decision best satisfies those priorities? If more than one option will fulfill your established priorities, then choose the one which is your strongest desire!
Sometimes God gives you a choice. In this case there is no right and wrong decision, but rather a freedom from God to choose, based on your preferences. Both options are within God's perfect will for your life and both will lead to the fulfillment of God's purpose for your life.
Act on your decision. If you have arrived at your decision with the sincere intention of pleasing the heart of God, incorporating biblical principles and wise counsel, you can proceed with confidence knowing that God will work out his purposes through your decision.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

This decision process gleaned from Mary Fairchild's article, at About.com

Decisions

2009-11-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

Life is the sum of all your choices. ~Albert Camus

Every day we make decisions. Some come out of habit and without much thought, like getting out of bed in the morning or brushing our teeth.

Some are common sense ones, like stopping at a sidewalk when persons are crossing.

Some have us weighing options and outcomes, like when we are selecting what to have to eat and are thinking about calories, cholesterol and flavor.

Some have such long-term implications like medical treatment decisions, post high school plans, whom we marry or if we want to choose to marry.

Choices are the hinges of destiny.
~Attributed to both Edwin Markham and Pythagoras

Some of these decisions can seem so overwhelmingly, that we feel nauseous and headache prone. We need others around us to be sounding boards, advisers and prayer support, as we wrestle with them.

Then there are those times when the decision being made is done by choosing to ignore it. It is as if, by not addressing the choice involved, we are willing the issue to go away...but of course, it does not.

When you have to make a choice and don't make it,
that is in itself a choice. ~William James

Smart Policy or Wise Policy?

2009-11-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

photo by Andrew Kaster

"Be as smart as you can, but remember
that it is always better to be wise than to be smart."
Alan Alda

We have all observed smart policies, that are well intended. However, wisdom would show that they should not be adhered to in all circumstances.

Today, our youngest son, Daniel, experienced one of those. The policy is one that his high school put into place. Basically it is stated that if one has late arrival or early dismissal, that student should not be in the school building during that time. The intent behind it is smart. It is meant to prevent distracting conversations from going on in the hallways and to deter and derail the potential for mischief.

Daniel has missed a fair amount of school this past week and a half. First he had a cold, then he came down with the flu. He returned to school yesterday. He has a tsunami of coursework to make up, including tests. He scheduled a make-up test for this morning, during a class period that he is not scheduled to be in a class for.

He arrived, went to the classroom and waited. The teacher did not show up with the test. Mind you , this is a really good, responsible teacher. There was undoubtedly some miscommunication somewhere or the teacher was ill. Daniel was waiting in the classroom and security spotted him. When he was questioned, it was determined that he should not be in the building, so he was promptly sent home. Continuing to wait for the teacher or staying to study was not an option, due to this policy.

Daniel obediently left the premises and walked home. He did not have a car to jump into and drive home. He could not call me to pick him up, due to my poor hearing (I often do not hear the phone). He had already been in the school for a half hour. The walk home was another 20-25 minutes. By the time he arrived home the class period was almost over. It was time to turn around and go back.

Remember, he is just barely beyond having been flat-out ill. He looked pale. He is fatigued. He still has a residual cough, as does about a third of the rest of the school. He gave up sleep to make up a test and was sent out into the 38 degree morning to walk home and back, instead of being allowed to remain in school, sit quietly and study.

Sigh.

I am not knocking the security guard, whose job is to enforce a policy meant for maintaining a good educational environment. However, this question begs to be asked: Would letting this quiet student stay at school have interfered with the quality of the educational environment? I am suggesting that sometimes a policy might be better used as guidelines, rather than be enforced as if it is a rule.

What is a example of a well intended policy that you have found would be better used as a guideline, rather than a rule?

SAT For Parents

2009-11-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

Daniel is in a typical senior year frenzy. It has to do with the big college application quest. The application process includes collecting letters of recommendation, writing illuminating essays and sending college entrance exam scores.

His ACT was completed this past spring and he is about to take his SAT. In preparation for that, he can request to receive one SAT question per day to his email account, to practice with. The parent can also opt to be sent a question a day.

I took the challenge. Why not?

The good news? I have been doing this for two months and have not made a wrong choice, in critical reading or writing portions of the test.

The bad news? I have not answered correctly in the mathematics portion, even once. That is humbling, to say the least. It is not at all surprising. Math has not been a strength of mine.

I had to re-take Algebra in high school. I took it again at the community college, when our daughter reached an age to be learning it in middle and high school. I wanted to be knowledgeable and able to help her with the occasional questions she had in her homework.

I had already lost memory of how the algebraic equations worked, by the time her younger brother needed help with homework. I re-enrolled at the community college. I resolutely took the course, once again. By the time his younger two brothers needed help, I resigned myself to encouraging them to find help through peers and tutors. I was not about to take the same class for a fifth time.

I am glad that I have been challenged (humbled) by the SAT question-a-day emails. It gives me empathy for the students in my life. We are not designed to have the same strengths as the next person. It can be pretty demeaning to be measured by a sum. It can also be quite misleading.

I am not a math genius. However, I do savor time to ponder. I buck timed tests. I know that I have strengths as a poet, researcher, care-giver, debater, motivator, counselor and in the use of logic and deductive reasoning. However, many of those things aren't measured in a standardized college test.

I know that I am not alone in quivering at the weight of worth that college entrance exams seem to have. Seniors, you have my heart-felt empathy and prayers.

"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind;
it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."
Mark Twain

I Am Glad That I Was Cornered Into Doing Grand Jury Duty

2009-11-01T15:35:00.000-08:00

Summoned to jury duty? Do you wish you could get out of it? So did I. Now that it is over, I am very glad that I had the opportunity, even though it was challenging to become available to do so.

Here are some reasons why:

Seeing the process helped me comprehend how my tax dollars are being used.
Seeing the process kicked out any assumptions that there is plenty of funding.
Seeing the process convinced me that there are well thought-out programs and strategies in place for at-risk people groups, put into place by innovative caring people.
Seeing the process convinced me that more dollars are needed for our justice system.
Seeing the process convinced me that mandatory early prison release should not be an option, as a means of cutting the state budget.
Seeing the process reinforced my respect for the local police and justice departments, in all facets of staffing.
Seeing the process stirred compassion in my heart for many of those who are in the position of being witnesses.
Seeing the process helped me better understand the nuances and complexities of our laws.
Seeing the process allowed me to see people working diligently, on behalf of the well-being and safety of others.
Seeing the process allowed me to see inside our jail and what being there might be like.
Seeing the process helped me experience why jurors should be randomly picked.

Seeing the process reminded me

of how thankful I am to be an American.

Back From Sabbatical

2009-11-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

The above graphic is from this post.

I took a bit of a sabbatical from writing blog posts, due to a summons to county jury duty. I know plenty of people in the vicinity who rarely, if ever, are summoned. I am summoned like clockwork, every 2 years. My husband John is, as well. It must be a genetic predisposition, since our 19 year old son has also already been summoned and served on a jury. Our 26 year old daughter has been summoned a couple of times, too.

As is the case for most people, the receipt of such a summons is not met with enthusiasm. It is a challenge to clear a schedule to go wait to serve for a day on a jury...or not and be sent home.

With the summons comes the possibility to be randomly selected to be on a grand jury. If selected, I knew it would be a longer stint, but was not aware of how much longer. I really wasn't worried that it could be me put into that position. What are the odds, anyway? Evidently the odds were good. I was assigned and served a 5 week stint.

Yes, my reaction was much like just about everyone else. I wondered how I would possibly manage that. For some, it means taking time off work, but still being paid by an employer. Yet the work they have left undone, still needs to be done. For others, it is unpaid time. Many have childcare or caregiver responsibilities. Many are small business owners or contractors and if the work isn't done by them it just doesn't get done. It is a challenge, a hardship, a burden...and a worthwhile privilege.

I can not speak for other counties or grand jury experiences. I can speak of mine and of Washington County, Oregon.

Seeing the inside of the justice system was like observing why a clock and all of its gears ticks so reliably, when in the past, I had only appreciated that I could tell what time it is.

Seeing the process was enlightening. It was worth the hardship of being summoned. I will tell you why I think so, in my next post.

Bringing Life Into Focus

2009-09-19T18:05:00.001-07:00

"Just think
how happy you would be
if you lost everything you have right now,
and then got it right back again."

~Frances Rodman

Misplaced

2009-09-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

On Friday, Daniel couldn't find the notebook that his completed homework for his AP Europe class was in. The work was done. The work was due. The work was misplaced.

We all have times like that. We have a goal in mind and are working toward it...then something distracts us from it. We put what we were aiming toward aside. Soon it is misplaced. We can't find it. We look. We search. We have a general idea of where what we misplaced might be. It could be homework, car keys, garage door opener, letter of recommendation, or the Visa card.

Sometimes, it not items that are misplaced, but rather something that affects our relationships. Have you ever been talking with someone and a thought comes to mind that you feel this person really would benefit from hearing? Relaying a phone message, for example. However, by by the time you get a chance to talk, the thought or reference you were going to share has slipped into a deep crevasse in your brain. You no longer have any idea what it was you were going to say. You only know that it was something that you wanted to tell the other person. Your opportunity, for the moment, has evaporated.

We lose focus, so easily. We do this even with the best of intentions to be task oriented. We have little patience with those around us when they misplace something that is needed. We sometimes even doubt that they had whatever it was in the first place. Homework really done? Pfft.

That is what we do with our friendships, sometimes. We have fleeting thoughts of getting together with someone for Happy Hour, a walk or coffee, or of assisting someone in need of a boost...and then something else captures our attention. Something more immediate feasts on our time. Something else needs wiping up or organizing. Before you know it, the intent is so misplaced that it is less and less likely it will happen. However, it still can.

Daniel's notebook was found. It fell out of his backpack in his advanced media class, when he was helping someone else with a task. It was misplaced but it was found. He had the chance to prove he did the work by the time the school day ended. Whew.

Sometimes, I misplace my attention. Do you?

Volunteer

2009-09-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

photo by Janet Fraser

There are so many ways to volunteer. Sometimes it is overwhelming to look at the array of needs for volunteers. How does one choose where or how to volunteer at any given time?

What are some criteria for choosing what volunteer activities to step into?

My son Josh donates his his time and social media expertise to help publicize and grease the wheels for non-profits. Why? It is because that is a specialty that is uniquely him. It is something he can offer that might not be offered by the next person.

I volunteer in areas of compassion, prayer and encouragement. Why? That is who I am. That is my design.

Am I saying that we should not volunteer out of our areas of passion and skill? Not at all. One of my favorite memories from this summer is from a large work-party that my husband John and I were involved in. We were volunteering to clean-up and green-up a local elementary school. It felt great to come together to do something that would make life a little bit nicer for some in our community. However, yard-work is definitely not a skill or passion of ours. The volunteer commitment came from a desire to doing something nice for no other reason than making a return to a spruced-up school a cheerful experience. It was saying, "We care." It was a favorite because of the party-like attitude of the work-party. Children and adults, alike, worked on this, whether by wheelbarrow and rake or little red wagon and plastic shovel. We met new people, heard each others stories, shared tools and expertise and laughed together over lunch.

What parameters do you use, when you decide where to volunteer?

What was a favorite volunteer experience you have had recently?

Happiness

2009-09-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

My sister Kare posted this photo on her profile page on Facebook. I read it and it rang so true and timely to me. I do feel my happiest when I have the chance to do something kind or helpful for someone else. I tend to surround myself with people who think like-wise. It makes for a positive and happy friend-group. Sure, we aren't happy all of the time, but that is when we have the opportunity to be of assistance to each other. We're kind of like a hybrid car: sometimes we have enough gas to get around, but when we don't we have the support of the 'electricity' of our friends to help us along.

It takes time to do these things, but the energy expended is so quickly refueling. Often it doesn't take much in the way of money, if any at all, to do!

My friend April invests her time and attention in the lives of her friends' kids.

My friend Cheryl was able to bring joy to an elderly friend via a snickerdoodle!

My friend Janet was able to be support to a friend, by being the transportation to the doctor for a difficult appointment.

My friend Carolyn makes a point of acknowledging often, that she cares about her friends and is so affirming of who they are.

My friend friend Debbie sends me emails often, when I am lonely and feeling home-bound in my role as a caregiver (she's done this for years!).

I have many friends who are doing walks and runs this weekend to raise funds for diabetes and breast cancer research. I have many friends who are financially supporting them. Both are kindnesses.

I like to cook for people who could use the help from time to time.

What is a kindness that have been extended to you recently?

What is one gift of time that you tend to like to do?

The Flip-Side of the Generational Divide (in worship)

2009-09-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

A sweet, enthusiastic, educated couple are good friends of mine. They are long-time members of our church and have been active volunteers there and in the community. They are of the generation before me.

They know that I am actively involved with our church worship service prayer team. We were chatting recently about what is seen as a generational divide in styles of worship. Let me be clear here, they were not referring to styles of music. They were referring to being physically animated while singing worship songs. They are aware of the commentaries on what is perceived as 'the generational divide.' They read a lot and are social media savvy.

They said, it feels as if they have been stamped as irrelevant, social faux pas, physical misfits and are void of ideas worthy of merit…mostly at church. Just try worshiping without being self-conscious, while feeling judged like that!

They savor our worship services. They've attended/tried all 3 different services. They enjoy the generations younger than themselves. However, they don't feel welcomed, let alone loved or respected by them...at church...where we are to be one body in Christ.

They feel amputated.

I'm interested in our thoughts/views on this. Especially of interest: How can we keep it from being a divide at all? How can we be more unified and pose fewer obstacles for a person of any age to hurdle in the path to worship?

He Passed the Test!

2009-09-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

It's official! Our youngest now has his license! That's a giant leap toward independence.

It is so fun to see the excitement he feels about it. He's put in almost double the required behind-the-wheel hours that Oregon requires and has taken a Driver's Education course (his insurance rate is less because he did this). He's worked hard for this. I am so happy for him!

Now, he has 6 months of driving with only family members allowed in the car with him, before he can have a friend in the car (Oregon law). He also has some coursework to do for the insurance company, in order to further reduce his rate. If his grades are good, his insurance rate will go down even further. Lots of incentives...at least for us to have him go through each of these steps. It costs less. Of course the goal of each of these stipulations is to create a safe driver.

He left this evening for his first solo drive. He went to care-group (Bible study). They are a group of friends he has studied with, throughout high school. I loved watching him back out of the garage and down the driveway on his own. It is such a good feeling to accomplish something that you really want to do, isn't it?

I remember how good (and a little bit scary) it felt, when I took my first solo drive. I drove to a friend's house. Not too far and not too close.

Where was the first place that you drove to, after you passed the driving test?

What Took You Off Guard (Student Version)

2009-09-12T16:33:00.000-07:00

As you look back on your days of launching independence at college or a your own living space, what took you off guard?

The past post addressed what took parents off guard about having their young person (Y.P.) out of the family home. It was mostly addressing the emotional triggers that the parents experienced.

Whether it was decades ago or days ago, what do you recall taking you off guard about being the Y.P. living away from home? This time, I am not referring to only emotional triggers. Good or bad, there are always some things just aren't anticipated and planned for.

We planned color schemes, our clothing essentials, how we'd meet new people, even how we would pay for our new accommodations, but some things just weren't planned for.

For example, I recall realizing that I did not have a back-up plan, if I did not have my key to get back in. That was realized, quickly, when I accidentally locked myself out.

I looked forward to late nights with friends. However, I realized that it was a new skill to learn how to say that I needed them to leave, when they lingered longer that I wanted. This became apparent when I often had to be at work at 7am and the friends didn't have an early morning commitment.

What took you off guard about being newly independent?

What Took You Off Guard?

2009-09-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

row of laundry baskets in queue in earlier years

Most parents realize that there will be some personally emotional times, adjusting to having a child-turned-young-adult launched out the door. They expect the heart tugs at the dinner table when the young adult (Y.A.) chair is vacant. They expect not being woven into every day and knowing less about the highs and lows of Y.A.'s life.

I've done this launching thing a few times now. I actually started 'mourning' during the Y.A.s senior year. The year was full of 'last times'. However, when Y.A. was actually settled into a new home, I was bowled over. There were so many things that took me off guard, or that sent me into an emotional tailspin. These things varied from Y.A. to Y.A., but there were similarities.

These were some aspects of having Y.A. gone, that took me off guard:

1) Getting teary eyed at the sight of a favorite food ingredients of Y.A.'s being on sale. Seriously? It was impulse to pull it off of the shelf, put it in my cart and be ready to surprise YA with it...until I realized Y.A. was not around to surprise.

2) Seeing the kids pour out of the high school, at the end of the day, and realizing that Y.A.'s friends would not be coming over to hang out after school. They had launched, too. I had not expected to crave seeing them almost as much as seeing my own Y.A.!

3) Feeling the boom-boom-boom of the drum-line practicing or performing, from blocks away. Again, taken off guard by the sense of separateness from something so familiar.

4) I can't believe I am saying this, but even the decrease in laundry was a trigger.

5) The news that Y.A. was sick and so far away. It's not just a maternal thing. My husband was just as off-balanced by not being able to be there to bring comfort.

Many of you are launching or have launched your own Y.A.s. What has unexpectedly put you off-balance?

What took you off guard about things that would bring on the pangs of I-really-miss-Y.A.!

Staying in Touch

2009-09-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

My brother is in town for a few days and I'm thrilled to see him! For the past few decades, he has mostly lived out of the country, so our face-to-face visits are few and far between. He and his wife are good about emailing and keeping us up to date on their lives and thoughts. Since they do that, when we get together, our conversation flows smoothly. Staying in touch greases those wheels of conversation.

We all know of people that we care about, that we have lost touch with and don't really have a clue about what is going on in their lives. It makes having a conversation with those people very challenging and fairly superficial, when the opportunity to re-connect offers itself. Still, with intentional effort, the building of trust and a generous slathering of time, those deeper conversation can happen. The relationships can be salvaged and even prospered.

I am trying to get past my self consciousness and get to know some cousins that I never knew very well and re-establish friendships from my younger days, via Facebook. It's a bit awkward at first but I am hopeful that aspect will fade away over time and be replaced with easy banter and the revelation of the more significant things that matter in our lives.

The same is true in our relationship with God. If you had a relationship initially, but fell out of touch over time, it is possible to rekindle that relationship. It takes the same attentiveness and intention to make happen as breathing new life into an old neglected friendship. If you never had a relationship with Him in the first place, it can feel even more awkward. It may be unfamiliar territory, but it is possible. The awkwardness fades and is replaced by intimacy. Just think of it as a friend request on Facebook. He already sent you one. He's just waiting for you to accept it. After a few status updates, reading a bit on His profile page and checking out the pictures, you'll be well on your way to feeling comfortable with Him.

After all, He's the one who wrote your real profile page.

Living in Portland and Loving it!

2009-09-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

See why?

Focusing on New Growth After Devastation

2009-09-08T16:38:00.001-07:00

Overlooking Tujunga

(Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times / August 31, 2009)

A group of young men watch the Station fire from a hill overlooking Tujunga on Monday night.

I've spent the past couple of weeks watching the news really closely, pertaining to the fires in Los Angeles. My son, who attends college just a few miles from the fires, is prone to asthma, so the fire news has held my attention. This has also caused my mind to ponder what happens when there is devastating destruction.

When there is a fire, it is horrific at the time. It appears that all is lost. All that is visible to the eye, often is reduced to ash and little else. I recall when Mt. St. Helens blew her top (1980). The enormous belch of heat incinerated the area for miles. While this was not technically a fire, rather a volcanic eruption, the outcome was similar. It appeared to erase, by consumption, everything in its path. It was as if a delete button had been hit, by the finger of God.

Today, there is green growth all over the area that the fiery dragon of St. Helen belched at. I am thankful that God gave us a visual like that to use to grasp how he can bring new life to what appears to be destroyed. Given time, wounds, trauma and loss can heal. We see it in nature and we recognize it in our lives. There is nothing quick about it. It takes patience.

Another friend and her family are bruised from the young death of husband and father. Balance, refreshing sleep, thinking clearly, normalcy is out of their reach...for now. They need hope. They need time.

I see this in the lives of some friends who are rebuilding a marriage that was almost destroyed. The structure of their marriage appears to be ripped to its very foundation. Given time, they can rebuild. It won't happen overnight. It won't happen if they walk away from it.

For every stillborn and miscarriage that was mine, there is a shadow of who that person would have been, surprising me, when I least expect it. I see these children in the eyes, sorrows and accomplishments of the siblings that survived and grew up. I see them around the times that would have been their first day of school, the soccer party, graduations, birthdays. The siblings are the new life. However, it doesn't take away from the devastation. The impact at that time felt as if God had pushed the delete button. To this day, I can't answer "Why?" He would do that.

I am so glad though, that He gave us visuals to understand hope, new growth and healing.

Have you known devastation?

Anticipation

2009-09-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
- Proverbs 13:12

God tends to answer every prayer in 1 of 3 ways: “Yes,” “No,” and “Not yet.” When He says, “Yes,” I throw a party! When He says, “No,” I throw a tantrum! Yet when the Lord says “Not yet,” I'm thrown off…because it means I have to wait for His answer...and I don't know if it will be a "Yes" or a "No" answer. I want to make plans. I want to know.

I have a precious daughter who is severely ill and has been for years. I've asked for healing for just as long.

Has He given His answer?
Am I not accepting it?
Should I still be asking?

I believe in His having a plan...I just want to be involved in the planning. Even when I know that His view is a better, more comprehensive one than mine could ever be.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

What are you having trouble waiting for or accepting an answer about from Him, right now?

Continuing Education

2009-09-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

Give advice and knowledge to your children
while they're young enough to believe
you know what you're talking about.

The tide changes.

Now that they're adults, I find myself asking for their illumination (politically correct phraseology, computer wizardry, cultural protocol, revised definitions for words I thought I knew, etc.).

Seeing and understanding life through their eyes is a bit like adjusting to corrective lenses.
What are you learning about?

One Size Fits All Advice

2009-09-05T20:38:00.000-07:00

With each newly minted independent offspring, comes the phone calls and emails asking,

"What should I do about___?"

The very absence of having a person on hand to toss out advice is a new experience. Not one he or she likely expected to miss.

Suddenly the advice-giver is popular. After a couple of decades of being largely discounted in that area, it can take a parent off guard. It can feel good to be needed and looked to as a person with ideas worth some merit. However, this is not the time to savor the favor of that spotlight. Tempting though it is. Sigh.

The appropriate answer is actually a one-size-fits-all response. It isn't even an answer, really. The response is something like,

"That sounds like quite a predicament.
I'm sure you'll figure out a way to resolve it."

Then comes the really amazing part:
it does get resolved...eventually.

Don't forget to commend him or her for it.

Don't forget to commend yourself for stifling your urge to offer a solution. You are extra vulnerable to jump right in, because you miss him or her so much. That's your (my) problem, as emptying-nest parents.

We'll resolve it...eventually. I must admit though, it feels good just to have been asked for advice!

It's not Just a College Student Heading out the Door

2009-09-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

It's also their belongings. Some are more expensive to replace than others. Some are not easy to replace (identity or coursework for example). That sense of being able to leave everything in a bedroom and expect it to be exactly as one left it, changes upon dorm life.

Most college students head out their bedroom door and into their dorm room with a laptop for their college years. They are marvelously portable. That's a given. What may not be thought about is how portable (steal-appeal) is what is on the computer. Information stored are accessible by many more people, now that more people have access to the student's living space. This is especially so, when a person has been accustom to automatic log-in for their various uses. It probably wasn't a great idea, while living at home. Even more so, now.

Thankfully, there are ways to secure your various portals and data, on that shiny new laptop.

Matt Singley tossed this link out on his Twitter profile a couple of weeks ago. It addresses this very problem. It is worth taking the time to read. It is worth it even if you are not new to laptops or not in college.

Back to College

2009-08-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

Michael is on the road back to college with his roommate Sean. This year will be different for him in so many ways. One obvious way is that he knows what he is getting into when he returns because he isn't the newbie. He knows his way around campus, knows the what-to-do-ifs that newbies have to learn. He knows he will be just fine away from home for 9 months. In fact, he will thrive. Both he and his roommate were selected to be what Azusa calls Alpha leaders. These leaders bond with a group of newbies, freshman or transfering students, to help them ease into the cycle of university life, particular to Azusa. They will rock at it. They are both such caring and social people.

Another way that life will be different this year for them, though, will be living outside of a dorm setting. As in:
* clean their own bathroom
* prepare some of their own meals
* no Resident Assistant (RA) to go to with questions

Not having an RA will be a piece of cake. They're knowledgeable enough to be RAs, themselves. We worked on some meal prep purchasing and creating this summer. Who knows about the bathroom cleaning aspect!

I came across a useful link this summer for those new to apartment living. It is a compilation of all sorts of useful links pertaining to cooking and references along those lines.
Do you know someone who could benefit from this link?

When you first started living on your own and cooking for yourself, what was your go-to meal?

Personal Medical Management 101 for the Young Adult

2009-07-21T17:05:00.000-07:00

There are lists of things that are must-have items or must-do tasks, to prepare for heading off to college or off into independent living. One thing that we have not found on those lists has to do with preparing the young adult for handling medical visits, without a parent along. We have found it is very important training.

I found it challenging to work through the forms for my kids, so of course it will be daunting and confusing for them to take over the task. It takes teaching, just like cooking, driving and washing clothes. It is a survival skill.

What to bring, know and do, when headed to the doctor or dentist:

Insurance card, if you are insured. This means knowing about the insurance, too.
What's a PPO/HMO?
What's a co-pay?
Which name on the card is the policy under?
Are there procedural protocols for being able to have insurance cover the visit?

Arrive at the appointment 15 minutes early. You will have forms to fill out before your appointment starts.

Bring a method of payment. Some medical labs and office have a policy that you must pay up-front if you are out of state, uninsured or unemployed. Some insist that it is up to you to work out any reimbursement from your insurance carrier. Have a check, credit or debit card with you.

Have basic form-filling info with you. The kind of questions most commonly asked are: 'Who is your primary provider?' They are asking for the name of your main doctor and phone number.

'What is the phone number of your employer?'

'What is the name/relationship/ contact info for someone to call, in case of medical emergency?'

'What is your address?' If you are out of town attending college, they may want your parent's address, if they will be handling bills. They may want to know where you are to send results directly to you. Clarify. If it is your school address, memorize it. Few students have their mailing addresses memorized. It changes annually and most student mail is not snail mail. Medical mail will be snail mail.

'What is your phone number?' They aren't asking to talk to your parents. They are wanting to talk to you. Give your cell number. You are now legally an adult and they can not talk to anyone except you about your medical information, without your explicit written permission.

Know your personal medical history.

They want to know if you have dangerous allergies (latex, penicillin, sulfa, bee sting, etc.).

Do you have chronic illness (asthma, mental illness, diabetes, etc.)?

Surgical history (know the years and proper names for the surgeries).

They want to know the names of medicines that you use, dosage amounts, frequency. You can't say 'asthma medicine'. You need to know the name of the medicine, like 'Albuterol'.

They want to know if you are taking supplements. That includes vitamins, sleep-aids, probiotics, fish-oil, anti-oxidants...anything that you ingest that isn't 'food'. It is important to be truthful here, because it can make a difference in diagnosis as well as therapy. Some supplements have adverse reactions with each other and with prescribed meds.

You may be asked about recreational drug usage. This is not a turn-you-in scenario. It is essential to making a correct diagnosis and treatment plan. Your truthful answer is kept confidential.

Know your family medical history.
Take the time to discuss with your parents about maternal (mom) and paternal (dad) medical problems. The forms usually ask a lot about that. If you are adopted, gather what you can, if information is already known. If it is not known, now that you are an adult, it is time for you to legally open a medical history inquiry about your birth parents. It may not be available. That is up to your birth parents. Often, now, it is available.

The kind of information you need to know is if there is a history of illness/disease and on which side of the family it is/was present in. For example, 'cancer'. The answer might be 'yes, lymphoma, maternal'. The typical kinds of disease asked about are HIV, cancer, diabetes, cardiac, digestive disorders, mental disorders, sensory, etc.

Know your social security number. Don't carry the number with you. Memorize it. This makes your medical history have a unique tracking identity, should you ever need it to file for disability or other specific-to-you identifying reasons.

Select a pharmacy that you will use. Have the name and phone number of that pharmacy available to give your doctor. Always use that same pharmacy. Pharmacists are a wealth of additional information and they keep track of the other meds you are on to note potential adverse reactions. This is especially helpful if you need to see different kinds of specialists and they each prescribe different medications.

If you move away, make sure and ask your old pharmacy to forward your prescription history to your new home pharmacy. You will need to sign a consent form. This will expedite refills and keep your history together.

Take charge of your own medical records. Start a file of your own.

Put a copy of your vaccination records in it.

Any pediatric records can be copied for you to keep, too. Sometimes there is a fee for printing and the time for assembling it. It is worth the money. Trust me on that! I had no idea how much I would need my childhood history and wish that someone had passed on that advice to me, while I could still access it. Don't presume that you can get it 'some day'. once you are not an active client, those records do not have to be kept. Often they are not kept for more than a year or two.

When you are done seeing a doctor, you will typically be handed a form that states what was done and what what recommended. Put it in your file.

If you are assigned physical therapy (PT) and are given PT exercises to perform, they are generally printed out for you. When done with them, put them in that file.

Lab results came back? Put them in that file. Your doctor didn't give you a copy of the results? You paid for them. Ask for a copy. They are for him or her to use, but you own the results. Put them in your file.

Ask for a print-out of your prescription history and keep it on file with your personal belongings. Many pharmacies do not keep record past 3 years. Some do not keep them on file past one year. Every now and again it becomes important in a health crisis, to know what medicines have already been tried or found to be un-useful or even dangerous. You are responsible to keep your doctors informed. You may think you will remember, but you will be surprised at how quickly memory fades about details like brands and dosage. I bet you would be hard pressed to tell your doctor the names of the medications you were on when you were 10, 12 or 14. How do you expect to remember when you are 35? 50?

Ask questions.
Don't feel sheepish about needing clarification about something being your medical professional says to you. If it doesn't make sense to you, ask about the part that confuses you. It is in their best interest, as well as yours, for you to understand all that is being asked or advised.

Take a business card from the front desk, so that you have a phone number to call, if a question comes up later. An advice nurse can often answer your question as well as the doctor. Try leaving a message with the advice nurse in the office, first. I have found advice nurses to be wonderfully knowledgeable, diligent and insightful.

Refer a friend. If you liked the quality of care that you received, let your friends know. Eventually, they will likely need to find a doctor for themselves. They will prefer to go to someone that you feel good about.

When God Reroutes & Redefines Us

2009-07-03T12:43:00.000-07:00

Photo by and of Dieter Zander
from Dieter Zander's Daily Photo Op

My childhood friend, Dieter Zander, is an amazing photographer. Actually, he is a bit of a photo journalist. It is becoming an area that he is devoting more of his time and attention to hone. Photography has not always been his primary means of drawing those around him into thoughtfulness. He has spent most of his life as a worship leader with a passion for the connecting a new generation to lives with Jesus at the center.

He has always been able to make the keys on a piano speak with passion and articulated thoughtfulness. This was true, even in grade school. Many times we were in the same line-up to perform on the piano. I played the keys as well, but did not know at the time that I was almost deaf. It would be convenient for me to say that if I had better hearing, I would have played as well as him. I know that was not how I was designed...it was Dieter was designed. God created Dieter to speak to people through music. The Holy Spirit moved when Dieter led worship. I can tell that by the avalanche of comments people have left on posts about Dieter over the last year and a half.

Posts and comments have been particularly active about Dieter. The Big Question has been pondered,"Why would God allow that to happen to someone like him?" Almost a year and a half ago, Dieter fell victim to a stroke. His life has been altered and redefined tremendously.

My pastor at Sunset, Ron Kincaid, use to be in ministry with Dieter, while Dieter was serving here in the Portland Metro area, at Mountain Park Church. Dieter most recently was on staff at BayMarin church. Before that, he was at Re-Imagine, a San Francisco-based ministry designed to help re-think the church in the post-modern world. He has served on the staff of Willow Creek Community Church near Chicago, where he led worship and developed the "Axis" ministry to post-modern young adults. Prior to that, He started New Song Church in San Dimas, California. He is the co-author of Inside the Soul of a New Generation.

Right now, Dieter is nurturing other aspects of his design in his (and his family's) detoured life. I am fascinated with the depth of message in his photography. Take a moment and check it out here.

I can relate to my childhood friend, since the lives of my family have been detoured, as many of you know. It is hard and painful to let go of what has defined oneself. It is hard to see the whole family impacted so drastically. It is baffling to find balance when the options available are not the ones we chose before or dreamed of. It is also where one slows down and really craves and savors things so easily taken for granted. It is when friends are needed more than ever. It can be when prayer become as reflexive as breathing.

It is faith in a grand plan and a loving God that keeps the detour from completely derailing in the process.

90 Degrees and It's Christmas in July

2009-07-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I proof-read that title. It is correct.
Does the concept seem a little upside down?

In November and December of most years, there is an avalanche of opportunities to support other persons in need. November and December are always enormously busy months for the average person and an extra strain on personal budgets.

My Beaverton church community has assistance available, year-round, through our Helping Hands program. We also have a program called 'Food and Toy', that supplies holiday food staples and Christmas gifts for hundreds of families in our area. Last year, even with record snow-fall in Portland, church members ensured that this caring program still moved ahead, full-throttle.

Keeping in mind that the economy is further straining our personal budgets, it is thought that I might be more practical to gather food and toys for Christmas during July. Many of us will be strained to pull together our own finances during the holidays, this year.

This letter came from church about what is needed to stock up the Helping Hand food pantry and sock-up for the Food and Toy Drive, as well. I'm posting it here, in case July is a better time for you to be involved with something like this, as well. The numbers of those needing help have been sky-rocketing, as you know. They are our sons, daughters, neighbors, parents and selves.

If you live in the Greater Portland area and would like to help out,
click here for more information.

Summer is More Than a Change of Seasons

2009-06-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

What is one thing I like most about summer? The chance to see the students in my life have more time to reveal their inner creativity. Michael & Daniel have both been composing music.

What's something that you particularly enjoy about summer?

School's Out for the Summer!

2009-06-12T14:31:00.000-07:00

OK, so they don't quite look like they are celebrating or relaxed yet. Finals week does that to a person. So does 4 fire alarms going off in one day at school.

School is out for the summer and we are about to be celebrating! Michael has been out of school for a month, but Daniel's last day is today.

As most of you know, this has been a very difficult year for our family. We seemed to have hopped from crisis to crisis and some of those still have have not resolved.

It has been a particularly difficult year for Daniel, since he has been in the middle of the full-out gale of one challenge after another. Yet, he made it through course work, in spite of some significant distractions in his constant peripheral thoughts. I am so thankful for his good friends who have have supported him this past year. Friends can be great encouragers and motivators.

I guess it is easy to see my method of celebrating includes homemade goodies!

I've Got a Grass Addiction

2009-06-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

Wheat grass, that is.

For years, we bought it to have out for our indoor cats to consume. They get so excited about it, too! I knew that you could by wheatgrass boosters for your smoothies, but had never quite figured out how to fold it into daily consumption.

Now, I regularly clip wheatgrass into our salads, steep it in my tea, serve it with my string beans and fresh dill and more. Here is my incentive:

According to various websites, this nutrient-rich grass contains 17 amino acids, which are the building blocks of proteins. Our bodies uses these amino adds for, things like building, muscle tissue, repairing cells, and clotting the blood. Wheatgrass retains 92 of the 102 minerals found in the soil. These minerals include calcium, phosphorus, iron magnesium and potassium. It is a rich natural source of vitamins A and C. Wheatgrass has more vitamin C than oranges and twice the vitamin A as carrots. It is exceptionally rich in vitamins E, K, and B-complex. It is also a natural source of laetrile (B-17). Dr. Chiu Nan Lai of the University of Texas has found that wheatgrass produces an immunization effect against many dietary carcinogens.

It is said that 1 ounce of wheatgrass has the nutritional equivalent of 2.5 pounds of other vegetables. That is a statement that a local smoothie chain boasts and I have not verified it, but it grabbed my interest. So I have been researching it. It seems to be a fairly well substantiated claim.

So I am looking for other innovative ways to fold in wheatgrass to our family recipes. Do you consume wheatgrass? If so, what are some of the ways that you consume it?

Unlimited Calls, Any Time, Any Where

2009-06-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

"There on the beach we knelt to pray."

- Acts 21:5

We can pray any where at any time and as often as we want. Sounds a bit like a Wi-Fi or mobile advertisement doesn't it? He doesn't drop our calls, though. He likes it when we call often. For my any time prayers, I like my home office, where I can shut the door and stare out the window at the waving tree branches and changing sky. For more intensely focused time though, I crave being off in the woods.

Do you have a special place that you like to go to focus and listen to God?

Music to Your Ears

2009-05-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

CHRIS MARSHALL

My last post was about the strengthened sense of community that was forged, as shared grief was acknowledged. Our community has been hit hard with devastating losses. I am sure your community has been, too.Loss is a common denominator. There are losses of trust, loss of love and/or marriage, loss of employment, loss of life, loss of health. It is all loss and leaves roller-coaster emotions and a desperate craving for comfort and caring.

One of the losses in my community was the loss of the life of Scott Resnick. Many have been grieving his death. People have been personalizing their ways of helping out the Resnick family. Meals, hang-time with the lovable Resnick kids, lawn mowing and shopping are just a few examples of showing care and offering comfort.

My friend Jenni alerted me to another idea that has sprouted up to assist the Resnicks. This is a so-easy way to help out the Resnicks financially and to also enjoy some locally composed music.

Read about what Chris Marshall is offering to do here.

100% of the proceeds will go directly to the Resnick family.

Comfort and Community

2009-05-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

We all know what it feels like to not feel like a part of a community or group. We crave to be a part of a group where people will care about us and accept our care back. At almost the half century mark in my life, I know that finding that community is not always easy. We crave it, but we seem to need just the right key to unlock the door and make that happen.

I believe that there is a lot that a community, team or group can do not make bonding more likely to happen. Those practices should definitely be implemented. However, doing so, does not guarantee that those relationships will develop trust and cohesiveness.

This weekend, in one of my communities, we experienced the unexpected loss of a friend who died. He was on a journey to his uncle's funeral. He is an avid and meticulous pilot. For reasons that we do not yet know, he and his passenger went down with the plane. Both died.

He leaves behind his effervescent wife and 4 sprouting children.

He leaves behind a whole community of people who knew him as a friend, mentor, family member.

Yesterday was a numb shock. However, this community was not without action. His Facebook page filled, as did his wife's, full of condolences and memories. Blog posts dedicated to him started popping up. Twitter messages of moans and groans, virtual hugs and reality checks simmered throughout the day. A meal delivery plan, complete with lawn mowing and shopping was launched and filled for the next month.

This morning, some of that community assembled at services at church, much as they always did...and yet unlike any other time they had ever spent together. The pastor changed her complete sermon topic. The worship leaders openly wept and trembled. In the congregation, heads rested on friend's and acquaintances shoulders, hugs were offered, tissue boxes passed...and that was the people who did not even know the person that had died yesterday!

This was a Memorial day weekend service. We were there recalling those who had died before us and loving those that are still around us. We were focusing on the sacrificial lives of people that had served in the military, served the homeless or served those in need in any way. Seeing the raw emotion of so many people who had freshly lost their friend, Scott Resnick, seemed to uncork a room full of people, service after service, as they recalled their own loved ones who had died. Oh my! The stories that filled that sanctuary after services...

I had not expected that. I had expected the rawness of those who knew Scott to be evident. What I had not expected was the response by those who felt safe to reveal their own sense of loss and gratitude of the lives of those now gone. This was a staggering and humbling bonding experience.

This tragic death fertilized the ground of this church community. Trust was nurtured. Community was fostered and comfort was given and accepted.

Everyone suffers loss. Everyone needs comforting. Those two truths are so simple.

Some day, Scott, I plan to tell you all about this Sunday. In many respects you handed this eclectic group of people a key that has opened the door to a new community.

Pondering Goodness

2009-05-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Psalm 37:27 (NIV)

"Turn from evil and do good; ..."

All too often, we think of being good as good enough. We subscribe to the notion that if we think good thoughts and promote good ideas, we are good people.

May I propose that goodness really means more than that? I believe that goodness needs to be an action, not only a way of being.

Being good is admirable, however doing good is more useful.

Homothumadon

2009-05-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

homothumadon "of one accord" (from homos, "same," thumos, "mind"), occurs eleven times, ten in the Acts_1:14; Acts_2:46; Acts_4:24; Acts_5:12; Acts_7:57; Acts_8:6; Acts_12:20; Acts_15:25; Acts_18:12; Acts_19:29, and the other in Rom_15:6, where, for AV, with one mind," the RV has "with one accord," as throughout the Acts.
~Vine's Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words

The image is rather musical; a number of notes are sounded which, while different, harmonise in pitch and tone. As the instruments of a great concert under the direction of a concert master, so the Holy Spirit blends together the lives of members of Christ's church.

What do you think of when you imagine the Church working together in this type of variety and harmony?

In your own area of ministry how might that look?

Is there an audience?

Mother's Day

2009-05-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Photo by our dear friend, Sven Lundberg

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. ~Abraham Lincoln

Mother's Day '09
Such a delight
having my family here.
From distant Los Angeles
and Sylvan near.
She giggled & hugged,
he strummed his guitar,
arriving by van
& smart black car.
They all sat beside me
in a row in the pew
no place that I've been
competes with that view.

They knew, that for me, the best way to honor their mother was to be in church.

Favorite Quotes About Mothers

2009-05-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

We celebrate Mother's Day this weekend. I have been giving it a lot of thought, particularly this year. I have spent the past few months helping my parents, as both of them valiantly battle some health issues. This chapter in our shared lives has caused me to be rather philosophical and I find myself spending time harvesting my memory fields.

What are some favorite quotes, either your own or by others, about mothers or raising kids? Who knows? Maybe your suggestion will end up in someone's Mother's Day note or card!

Here are a couple of my favorites:

* It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you more quickly if they didn't.

* "Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries."~ T. DeWitt Talmage

* "At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent." ~Golda Meir

* "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much."~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

* "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan

* "Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly." ~Ambrose Bierce

Help Another Mother?

2009-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day is next weekend. Most families celebrate the special relationship of a mother with her off-spring. For some, though, that is a very different and wistfully painful time.

We share a fence with a lovely family, the Shearers. Anna Shearer has been raising her 5 kids as a single parent. She is an ICU nurse and committed to being there for persons in grave health situations. Such was the case this past year when she took time off work to care for her fiancé, who was terminally ill with cancer. Then she was blindsided by yet another wave of care-giving when it was determined that her oldest daughter, Katie, was also terminally ill with cancer.

Christina and Katie use to walk home from school together. I can not comprehend what it would feel like to face the death of a soon-to-be spouse and a child. What I can comprehend is the desire to take time off work to be there, by the sides of a loved one, in the role of caregiver. The need to be a comfort and savor every last possible moment would by the priority.

With that choice came the ramifications of no income and sky-rocketing medical bills for the better part of a year.

With her experience, came empathy for other families who go through the trauma and drama of care-giving during a fight with cancer.

A friend of Katie's is coordinating an effort to help shed some of those financial burdens for the Shearer family and also support the NIH Cancer Research Trials. There is a hike/fundraiser on Mother's Day to honor Katie's life. If your heart twists imagining what it would be like to lose 2 people that you love to the tug-of-war with cancer and then face being unable to pay for the basic necessities of providing for the rest of the family, please consider supporting this fundraiser event.

What better way to celebrate Mother's Day and that special relationship, then to help another mother?

For the hike website, please go here.

For the Facebook hike event website, go here.

Mourning Has Broken

2009-04-27T17:17:00.000-07:00

At some point in our lives, we all experience mourning the loss of someone we care about. It does not get easier the more experience one has with death. It is still full of times of wistfulness, pain and a feeling similar to intense withdrawal. We crave having easy access and contact with the one we love. That abruptly ends and there is a disorienting period of finding new patterns and balance.

Our family is mourning the death of my mom's sister. She was a wonderful woman full of off-the-cuff honesty and a hard-working attitude. She was loved by her relatives and friends. Now there is a void.

Since grief is such a common human experience, there must be a wealth of personal experience to draw from in each other. So my question is this:

From your own experience with grief, what was particularly comforting to you? Was it bringing a meal, a personal letter, helping with household tasks...what brought you comfort?

Take a Break From Our Own Economic Woes & Travel By Blog

2009-04-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

For the third time, Compassion International is taking a group of Christian bloggers to see and write about the ministry's work in the developing - this time in and around Kolkata (Calcutta). The bloggers depart for India on April 24th and return to the United States on May 3rd.

Click on any one of the links below and find a way to follow along on their journey. It is an amazingly insightful opportunity.
On the trip:
* Pete Wilson - http://www.withoutwax.tv
* Anne Jackson - http://www.flowerdust.net
* Melissa Fitzpatrick - http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com
* Angela Smith - http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com
* Robin Dance - http://www.pensieve.typepad.com

With leaders:
* Shaun Groves - http://www.shaungroves.com/shlog
* Spence Smith - http://www.spencesmith.com
* Patricia Jones - http://jonesbones5.com

Cancer

2009-04-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

"Oh, my friend, it's not what they take away from you that counts - it's what you do with what you have left." ~Hubert Humphrey

Cancer. The word gnaws at our sub-conscience. Media reports are constant about new things to be cautious of. Other reports hail foods/beverages/actions to assimilate into our lives to (hopefully) keep cancer at bay. We are reminded of our genetic predispositions. It seems that no person is untouched. Everyone knows someone who had it or has it and is fighting it.

In my extended family, we have a couple cases of prostate cancer and one of breast cancer. For another few in the extended family, it was pre-cancerous melanomas.

There is comfort and camaraderie in knowing one is not alone in having had the experience of facing cancer. It gives a sense of being a community of common experience.

So, I am curious. What brushes with cancer have you had, just in your family. Leave a comment, specify whom in your family or extended family (or more generic if there is a privacy issue) and what type of cancer.

I'll start off by adding to what I mentioned above. For me, it was my personal face-off with lymphoma. How about you? Let's see how many in this blog community have been impacted.

Building Optimal I.Q.

2009-04-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

Nicholas D. Kristof wrote in his column about has Prof. Nisbett's advice for raising kids' I.Q.: encourage effort rather than achievement; limit reprimands; praise and foster curiosity; read and speak to them with adult vocabulary; encourage self control and delayed gratification.

Then Kristof goes on to pose this question, via Facebook: What's your own secret recipe for smart kids? Or for a smarter self?

What would your response be to this question?

Season in Life, Preface

2009-04-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV)

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

¹² I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. ¹³ That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Season of Life

2009-04-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on in my life. That is true of most everyone I know. What has been going on in my life has kept me on a pretty tight leash, though. The phrase that keeps coming to me in conversations is, "You are in a really tough season in life."

Season? Season infers that there will be a change of seasons. That makes it sound temporary. At least it does to me.

Right now, my 'season' has meant embracing the caregiver needs of several relatives. This has not been short term. We are talking decade-long. Are seasons that long?

Before and overlapping the adult caregiver period has been the lead-up and recovery from multitudes of my own health emergencies and surgeries. My body looks like a crazy quilt, what with all of the stitching and scarring!

Before and overlapping the health issues were many miscarriages and a stillbirth.

Before that was the struggle to balance multiple jobs, complete high school, then pay for college, then launch life as a spouse with an apartment, insurance, food and utilities to pay for.

So my question is this, when someone says I am going through a tough season in life, what are they talking about? Are the changes of seasons only that it is a different set of struggles getting exchanged for the last set? I suppose, to some degree it is.

Yet, when I hear someone say those words, it interprets in my brain that there are lighter and brighter times. Yes, there are delightful times, concurrant with the struggling times. They are not separate seasons though.

I feel like I see those seasons in other persons lives and it is a surreal realization that it is not unlike watching TV. It seems real, to observe other person's lives, via Facebook, Twitter, blogs and even face-to-face conversation. The truth is, often it is no more real than the characters being observed on a TV show...even reality TV. We often are only aware of the struggles of a very few around us. The rest is a palatable public facade.

The truth is, life is hard.
The truth is we struggle with one thing or another almost all of the time.
The truth is, other person's choices impact us.
The truth is, we are disappointed in each other and in ourselves.
The truth is amazing things happen, even while the monsoon of life is happening.

Do I live in a seasonless, single-climate life? If struggle is life-long, is it seasonless? Is 'seasonless' defined as an unchanging period of time, only filled with struggle and work? If I feel like I live a seasonless life, than I will be spending a lot of my time being wistful about what could be different if I traveled or moved to a different 'location', where there is more variety and life looks like it does in the glossy brochures. I would want my life to look like the happy lives of my friends and acquaintances. I would be spending my time wondering why my life can't be more like hers, or hers or his. I would be discontent and jealous. I would be depressed. I would feel isolated.

So, I am thinking to myself, if this is really a season in my life, and I am not likely to travel or move to a life other than the one I am rooted in, I need to redefine 'season'.

I choose to define 'season' as a point in time with there are different challenges and benefits, than in the other 'seasons'. The view is somewhat unaltered, but the colors and temperatures change. We are at one point pink and at another point gray. However, all seasons take hard work. All of the seasons have challenges. All seasons have a reason for celebration and loss.

We are all, more often than not, in that "really tough season in life." Don't let your view of other people's life fool you into thinking anything differently. Their grass may look greener from across the street, but even weeds are green. Grass dries out and gets stepped on...or claimed by someones dog.

Should a Type 'B' Student Strive to be a Type 'A'?

2009-03-18T08:50:00.001-07:00

(This is a follow-post to the last post)

In the USA, we seem to give more merit to the student who is a high-achieving, competitive, action-packed, deadline-meeting extrovert. You see examples of this at most senior assemblies. The majority of awards and honors go to the type 'A' person.

I have known so many thoughtful type 'B' young people corrected to be type 'A', because it is thought by some parents, peers and educators to be what is best for them. These persons the viewed day-dreaming and creating, simply for enjoyment, to be a waste of time.

These kids go on to dutifully lead the lives they have been reshaped to lead, mimicking type 'A' people. They feel overwhelmed, stressed and inferior. If you are a tractor tire, you do not function well on a bike rim.

These type 'B' kids are ashamed of letting down the significant people in their lives.

They are not in their niche or design. They can not thrive. They buckle and wilt.

The students that gets as much, if not more, attention as the academic type 'A' is the star athlete.

Why does our culture do this?

Why is the day-dreaming musician, author, inventor, performer and artist student less valued, both by many parents and by our educational system?

Bless the Right Success

2009-03-18T07:29:00.001-07:00

In his post, Pete Wilson posed the question, "Are your kids burned out?"

Burn-out can be from homework loads, faith-based activities, ever-increasing benchmarks in academics, chronic fund-raising, community service, employment and extra-curricular activities like athletics, DECA, Speech Team, National Honor Society, Key Club, Robotics, Model United Nations, performing and fine arts.

There is justifiable concern that many kids are living much too stressful lives. In high school, the heat is turned up to be the best at something to ensure getting into the right college and hopefully getting some funding to attend there. Add to that the need to decorate the college entrance resume with lots of other activities, showcasing leadership, community service and versatility.

How does one know when too much is really too much and when it is really for their own good? As parents, we know that there has to be a certain level of 'push.'

I think it has more to do with recognizing the individual person’s temperament. I have raised 4 kids, that are now young adults.

Two of our kids really need day-dream/inspiration time…time that was unstructured and that often produced creativity in the arts. Both are very philosophical ruminators and thrive when ample time to explore a thought, experience or activity is available.

The other two crave structure, scheduling and lists. They thrive on maximizing/packing their days and nights full of active experiences. Deadlines and boundaries are motivating. Those parameters enabled them to “squeeze it all in” with satisfaction.

The challenge is both in recognizing the temperament of the individuals and in finding ways to build confidence and reveal their unique vibrancy. Then it is important to bless that uniqueness.

POW! PUNCH! PUSH! SQUEEZE!

2009-03-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

That sounds a bit like lines from a super-hero comic book, doesn't it?

Confession: it is actually the caption for what I do, when I get really stressed.

Clarification: it is what I do to bread dough, as a way that I relieve stress.

Some bread doughs take a really light hand. Others benefit from a deep massage and firm hands.

I have shared one of my favorite spring bread recipes over at Oregon Mom's Empty Nest. It is a cardamom braided challah. My mom used cardamom in her sweet bread baking and the fragrance brings back warm feelings.

If kneading the dough doesn't prove therapeutic, eating it sure should!

If you enjoy the science behind great food, you may enjoy watching this video of Master breadmaker Peter Reinhart. He is also a teacher, author and theologian. If you choose to watch it, let me know what you enjoyed most about the video.

Hitting the Proverbial Wall

2009-03-15T20:09:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you occasionally hit the proverbial wall (besides feel stunned)? It happens to all of us.

The wall (my definition): when so many things are in our personal queue, that need attention with immediacy, that the reaction resembles a shorted fuse and you simply shut down.

We all have those times where life stacks up like a pile of...I'm going to say pancakes (not quite the word that came to mind).

I have been stuck in that place all week. My fuse seems to be blown. It is a familiar place and doesn't scare me but it does frustrate me. Only the minimal and minor day-to-day survival stuff has been attended to. In the meanwhile, there is a traffic jam of thoughts, lists, steps, due dates and implications all honking their horns at me. I'm just staring at them like a deer in headlights.

What do you do when that happens? How do you replace your fuse and get going again?

Grothing Pains

2009-03-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

The past couple of decades have been cram-packed with many things, but my favorites have been going to our kids' special events. From the preschool Christmas programs, grade school athletics and science fairs, to high school basketball games, theatre productions and choral concerts, they all hold a special place in my heart.

What parent doesn't enjoy a chance to gaze on and enjoy the uniqueness of their kid?

They grow up.

They move out.

Josh was the first to break me in. He moved out 5 years ago and headed off to college. This past fall, Michael launched, as well.

When they first moved out, everything seemed to remind me of their absence. I would see a person on the street that reminded me of them, food on the grocery store shelf that touched a memory tied to them, even the billboards would morph into images of them.

When the kids are no longer kids and move out, it is not always possible to be at their various significant events...especially if separated by many miles. My heart still beats with excitement about the events, I note the time on the clock that the event is starting and I imagine what it might be like, if I were there to observe it.

But I am not.

All throughout the first semester of college, Michael was in the Men's Chorale at Azusa Pacific University. They had several performances a week, throughout the semester. I was beside myself with wistfulness, thinking of him all dressed up in his tux and singing with these men whom had become such great new friends of his.

But I could not go and see them.

I read of the difficult and spectacular pieces they were learning and presenting.

But I was not able to go and hear them.

How do I adjust to this?

Tonight is another one of those wistful times for me. Those of you that know our middle son, Michael, know that he adores the buzz of theatre and film. Tonight is the opening night of '42nd Street' and he is in it.

This afternoon, he sent me a link to a trailer for it. I think I may have already watched the trailer 9 times.

How do I make peace with this change? Thank you God for giving me a great imagination and for giving him them wings (dancing feet?) to fly.

Please excuse me. I must conclude this post and click on that trailer again.

Sustainablity and the Church

2009-03-09T11:02:00.000-07:00

Jenna Forstrom wrote a provocative post today on trying to make what we do at church be more environmentally friendly. Her specialty is sustainability. Her post on sustainability poses some great suggestions and seeks further ideas. It seems so prudent to be considering and implementing this as Christians, where feasible.

Has your church taken steps to be thoughtful in making sustainable choices? Read about one church that is making intentional changes here.

If you go to Sunset Presbyterian Church, do you have suggestions?

Take a moment and read some of her thoughts on making progress in this area here.

What do you think?

Thorny Experience

2009-03-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.

~James Russell Lowell

When I was a pre-teen, I started smoking cigarettes. Many, if not most, in my 8th grade class did.

I had heard the warnings that the Surgeon General had made about cancer. Health class covered what our lungs looked like if we smoked. Magazine articles warned of the ominous dangers. I knew of plenty of older adults who spoke of how impossible it seemed to stop the habit, once it became one. I was already prone to bronchitis and asthma.

I did so, any way.

I became hooked. It was what people did at the bus stop, in the break room at work, at their tables at lunch, in the study hall. While smoking is less prevalent now, making choices that lead to unhealthy and sometimes dangerous habits are still common. They always will be, at least in this life.

Sometimes, lessons are learned the hard way. I am up-front and open about many of my lessons learned from my poor choices. I feel we need to be.

I fought hard to quit smoking in my late teens. God helped me along with breaking the habit before I became pregnant, thankfully. I had my forest of warning, but it was my experience that taught me the lesson.

I think being honest about my own experience gives me credibility with those around me, who are struggling with bad habits. Why would a person share a struggle they are experiencing with a bad habit, if they don't think the person they are talking with would have empathy?

I've been reprimanded by well-meaning people for being so honest. I have been warned that I may be setting a bad example by sharing about my weaknesses, habits and vulnerabilites.

I can live with that.

"I Dunno."

2009-03-06T12:26:00.000-08:00

I am in a touchy mood today.
Thus my grumble about the mumbled faux answer of:

"I dunno."

That has to be one of my least favorite responses to a query. Have you ever noticed that it is often mumbled, instead of spoken? There isn't ever any eye contact, either. People who use this phrase are aloof. The are unwilling prognosticators.

Mind you, I am not talking about a genuine "I don't know" response. I am fine with that. I respect someone that honestly admits when they do not know the answer to something, especially if it is trailered with the response, "but I will try to find out."

If, however, I ask for an opinion or decision to be made and the person asked is feeling complacent or lazy and answers, "I dunno", instead of making a decision or choice...

it really boils my water.

The persons who tend to mumble an "I dunno" are being wishy-washy about making a commitment one way or another about something. That is wimpy. It is also a manipulative way of playing it safe. That way, the non-committed one can be critical of the outcome, no matter what is decided by others. They tend to be quick to judge the decision that had to be made, even though their opinion was sought.

What word or phrase boils your water?

Have You Ever Noticed?

2009-03-05T09:29:00.000-08:00

People who are lonely

tend to build walls
instead of bridges.

Please, Lord.
Show me how to parcour
those walls
and bring friendship.

Happy Birthday John and Steve!

2009-03-04T07:29:00.001-08:00

John, Brent, John's twin brother Steve

We are Creatures of Habit

2009-03-03T07:37:00.000-08:00

Why else do we have so many opportunities built into our calendar to break a bad habit and ingrain a new one? We have our New Year resolutions, swimsuit season, and Lent, to name a few.

We are trying to increase our healthy habits by dieting, exercising more, consume more fresh vegetables and buying organic products. We incorporate the healthy-food-of-the month like noni, pomegranates, acai, green tea, red wine and dark chocolate. We pop supplements to help our vision, joints, heart, prevent cancer and improve our focus.

We try to be more informed about world events, spend less time using our social networking accounts, wear that retainer every night, spend more time with our family, stay on top of the paper/school work, stop biting nails, use our cars less often, be more actively involved in community improvement, help those in need, talk less negatively, stop binge drinking, put more money into savings accounts, refrain from sarcasm, use only reusable grocery bags...

Do you hear yourself in this list anywhere?

I was visiting with some friends and the discussion turned to the new habits we are each trying to fold into our lifestyles by summer. We all agreed that it takes several months of change to become a truly new habit and way of life. We all agreed that it would be helpful to have accountability partners.

I have a friend who has taken a significant step toward building the new habit of spending time with God, in prayer and Bible reading. The step she took was to request that some of her friends hold her accountable about doing so. She took it a step further by agreeing to email her accountability group with her journal entries on a daily basis. Wow! That is getting serious. There is no way to just pretend that a new habit is being formed, when doing that!

So far, she is doing really well, but it hasn't been easy. She is honest about saying so. So many times, it would be easier to just put it off until later (she puts time aside in the wee hours of the morning). There are times when it feels like she can't wring anything out of her study time. There are times when she feels to physically sick to focus much on it. There are time of magnificent insight and healing.

The process sounds a bit like breaking in new shoes...when the old ones were so much more comfortable. The new ones are shiny and lacking scuff marks and don't have holes or leaks in the sole. Yet, they hurt to walk in...until they are made to fit the feet like a glove by regular use. At that time, the temptation to throw on the old familiar pair will have dissipated.

In the meanwhile, in all honesty, there are blisters and raw spots where they rub. They feel rigid and foreign. But the shoes are breaking in very nicely.

What habit are you trying to change?

48 Hours Later

2009-03-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

It has been 48 hours since I opened up my surprise gift of Bose headphones, from an anonymous donor/s. I have been taste-testing one thing after another, in the world of audio from my computer. Yes, I have occasionally left the computer and even the house. I find myself wondering, as I see different friends and family, or reading different emails:

"I wonder if she/he/they are the one that bought the headphones..."

I guarantee I am on my best behavior with everyone, not knowing who supplied my surprise. It kind of colors all of my interactions, at this point. Probably a good thing.

Lots of my readers have given me suggestions of things to listen to, to taste test, in the land of computer audio. It has been quite an eclectic adventure.

So far, here is the list of checked off trials:
Fresh Aire
Issakar
Science Friday
Portland City Club
Animal Collective
Il Divo
Kathy Troccoli
Francis Chan
Thomas Tallis (I am not sure who performed)
David Cook
Michelle Featherstone
Rescue
U2
Jason Mraz
Rascal Flatts
audio interview of Nicholas Kristof
Ludacris
Mitch Hedberg
ColdPlay
Martin Dosh
Secondhand Serenade
Carrie Underwood
Indigo Girls
David Crowder
Daniel Groth
Chris Tomlin
Kanye West
David Crowder
Yoshida Brothers
Bruce Hornsby
Ladysmith Black Mambazo
Yamato - Drummers of Japan
Victor Borge
Rodrigo y Gabriela
The Decemberists
Jake Shimabukuro
Michael W Smith
Dominic Frasca
The Killers
Shamisen Vs. Taiko
Death Cab for Cutie
My Morning Jacket
Linkin Park
Nickel Creek
Rob Bell (podcasts)

It is going to be a challenge to disconnect and focus on work this week. What great bait to get work done, though, and go back to listening.

Please continue sending me your suggestions of things to listen to!

Blink. Wide-eyes. Tears. Shock.

2009-02-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

No nothing bad happened! Not even close! In fact, it is the absolute opposite. A wonderful, baffling and amazing thing happened to me this afternoon.

UPS made a delivery to our door. I went out and scooped up the box, turned it over...and was puzzled. We hadn't ordered anything, as far as I knew. Josh sometimes has packages delivered to our house though, for lack of a better delivery option at his apartment.

Broadcast on all sides of the box, was the brand 'BOSE'. My heart started to pound and my hands started to shake. My mind went back to a recent weekend spent borrowing Sindri's BOSE head phones, while she was out of town. I wrote a post about it here. It was like a vacation to audio heaven.

I fumbled with the box, figuring that Josh must have ordered some for himself or maybe someone had sent something else to us, but packed it in a BOSE box. Finally my vision and thinking cleared enough to see who it was addressed to.

It was addressed to me.

There had to be some sort of mistake. I hadn't ordered anything from BOSE. Believe me. I would remember doing that! What if someone else had, and they were delivered here by mistake? Yet, the name and address seemed a match, except for a 'w' inserted into the name 'Groth' (Growth). That happens all of the time. My own spell-check is always trying to correct my last name.

I emailed John and Josh to see if they had ordered something (still disbelieving that head phones could actually be what was inside the box). Both emailed back and insisted they knew nothing about it.

The box stared at me unopened. It begged me to come hither. I sat it further away from me, trying to ignore it and trying to not get my hopes up. I tried to go do other things, while pondering the predicament. "It can't possibly be what I wish it was! There has to be a mistake..." I reasoned with myself.

Finally, I approached the box on my desk one again. It was sealed. Factory sealed. I had every reason to believe it held headphones in the heart of that box.

I desperately wanted to open it. I looked more closely at the address label. There was a 1-800 number for BOSE on it. I resolved to call the number and try to find out the status of this box that was flirting so flagrantly with me. "Please Lord. Connect me with someone who is a clear and patient speaker?"

He did. The man who took my call was very respectful and did his best to be understandable to my badly impaired ears. Now, I have the answer or at least part of it.

Sort of.

This much I know for sure: it is for me!
No, someone did not order it using my credit card.

What I don't know is who bought it for me.
The purchaser wished to remain anonymous.

What I do know, is that I am going to be listening to a lot of music, podcasts, NPR, ...

What do you suggest I listen to? What is your favorite thing to listen to, via computer?

Whoever my benefactor/s are, you have deeply blessed me.

Prescription for Saving a Marriage

2009-02-26T07:52:00.000-08:00

I was reading Pete Wilson's blog this morning. He wrote about his friend, Justin Davis, and his blog post on the 8 things that were destroying his marriage. How vulnerable and up-front is that? I highly recommend the reading, if you are interested in strengthening or salvaging your own marriage. I recommend the reading if you are thinking about becoming married.

If you know me at all, you probably know that God has designed me with a passion for intercessory prayer. So this part in the first of the 8 things that he listed really grabbed my attention:

"When we were separated I realized that I was the one that needed to change…even if Trisha never changed, I was desperate for God to change me. What we have learned is that yes our marriage is emotional…yes, our marriage is physical…but more than anything our marriage is a SPIRITUAL relationship and if we don’t take that seriously, the very foundation of our relationship will be eroded little by little.
Here is the truth: If you want to grow in your intimacy with your spouse…if you want your spouse to pursue you again…if you want your spouse to respect you again…if you want your spouse to find you attractive again…if you want your spouse to forgive you again…if you want your spouse to love you again like they loved you when you were first married…pray for God to change you into the person your spouse needs you to be. That is the first part…the second is a little more vulnerable and much more uncomfortable when you first start…and that is to pray out loud together. The quickest way I can gauge Trisha’s heart and know what is bugging her or making her anxious or on her mind is to listen to her pray…it is a spiritual way to know her heart and to align my heart with hers. Let me clear, if you haven’t done this before, this will probably feel weird…but get over it! It is so worth it…and let me promise you that you will relate deeper, you will talk more, you will love more completely through this one act…I guarantee it.
I want to encourage you to not make the same mistake we made. You can improve the quality and depth of your marriage beginning tonight. I would love for you to share your thoughts on this idea of praying with and for each other and how it has played out in your marriage/relationship…"

Further discussion is on the subject here, in the Campus Crusade For Christ blog.

Wow. I couldn't agree more. Praying together is often over-looked, as an intimate part of marriage. What do you feel is an often neglected aspect or cause of a slow-bleed in a marriage?

Using a Light Hand on a Hard Subject

2009-02-23T10:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it takes something a bit nontraditional to draw attention. Breast cancer is a tough topic. The mere fact that it has to do with breasts, makes some people squeamish to talk about it. Yet, there is an enormous population of people who are affected by breast cancer, either by struggling with it themselves or caring for someone who is/has struggled with it.

As with many difficult topics, using humor, beauty or whimsy, makes it easier to highlight.

My sister-in-law, Michele, is a master quilter. She sent me the link to this project. Some very creative women have found a nontraditional way to draw attention to breast cancer. They call it the 'Artfull Bra Project'.

Members of Quilters of South Carolina have created one-of-a-kind bras for Breast Cancer Awareness. The exhibit consists of fifty original works of art which are unique, entertaining, humorous, and beautiful to make the public aware of breast cancer, to memorialize those lost to the disease, and to honor survivors.

Take a look at the project here.

Feeling Lost?

2009-02-19T19:50:00.000-08:00

photo by Mikki Ansin

This has been a baffling year, in so many ways. I have felt so lost and confused. Sometimes I feel like I tell God my plans and He just laughs. Then again, He is the one with the plans. Mine are just suggestions, really.

This year has been such new turf. The experiences have been so new to me and to my family. When the territory is unfamiliar, it can be intimidating. I can't go to Mapquest and get a print-out of what I am suppose to do, or what to expect at different turns. It has been pretty much uncharted territory.

In my quiet time recently, I came upon a verse that especially resonated with me.

Isaiah 42:16 (New International Version)

¹⁶ I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

I can't ask for a more perfect guide than that!

I feel a bit like I am skiing, blind, though.

Sometimes, It is Easier to Not Know What You are Missing

2009-02-17T08:31:00.000-08:00

A good friend, Sindri, has been out of town on business. While away, she has been letting me borrow her top-of-the line Bose headphones.

Oohhh mmyyy. Now, I know what others are able to hear. Is this a good thing to know?

Does everyone that hears get goosebumps nonstop?

How do hearing people sleep at night, with so much beckoning to them to listen?

Why can't they make hearing aids with this quality?

Would I eventually take hearing for granted, if I could hear everything like that?

I have been under the weather as well as needing to be home, in my role as a care giver. These headphones were addicting.

Riveting.

Mind blowing.

A ticket to a temporary audio vacation.

Most of the time, my hearing is so slurred and blurred, it is if my aural nerve and cochlea are drunk or passed out. I hear sound, yes, but it is distorted. Rarely, the circumstances are just right for me to be able to pick up fairly accurate (at least I presume it is) resonance, timbre, pitch and frequency.

I listened to music through some marvelous headphones that my kids bought for me, a few Christmases ago. I was tethered to my computer almost nonstop, listening to one thing after another. It was as if I was seeing color for the first time in decades. I listened to comedians, music, podcasts...things most people take for granted. Eventually, I needed to disconnect and go about life.

However, as soon as those headphones are off, I return to my usual world, with hearing aids. I am back to a world muffled, generic, audibly un-nuanced, undefined and undetailed.

I have spent several of the last few nights awake with tears (happy, delighted ones). Unable to sleep, due to, well, life, I stayed tethered to my computer...listening. My eyes would be shut, just letting my mind savor every little harmonic that I could. I have traveled all over the world and time, genre and culture, with the ease of a keyboard or mouse click.

I have feasted.

I have gorged.

I guess that the upside of not having something, except on rare occasions, means it is an enormous treat what the opportunity arises.

Like our family vacation the summer before last.

The survival of a babies, after many miscarriages and still births.

Our honeymoon.

The gift of life after cancer.

What are some of your rare, savored treats?

Valentine's Day Memories and Lessons

2009-02-13T18:50:00.000-08:00

Remember those Valentine decorated "mail boxes" that we made as kids? I use to really enjoy decorating them. Disappointment often came with those classroom Valentine parties, though!

I attempted to shift the focus from what people would say to each other, to what God says to us. My kids are adults, now. When they were young, though, we used a concordance to look up Bible verses that spoke of God's love for us. We had a stack of blank paper hearts on the table. One by one, we filled in the hearts with many of those verses, reading them out loud to each other, as we went. It was an morning activity. We crammed them into a boot box that they had decorated for Valentines Day. It became the centerpiece of our Valentine table for years.

The kids, also, made construction paper place mats and wrote Valentines to God. We laminated them. They wrote attributes of God on them and decorated them in traditional Valentine colors, using stickers, lace doilies and ribbon. Those, too, became annual table decorations. My hope was that this would put into perspective, the temporary disappointment that seemed to come from not having the dream-Valentine-classroom-shoebox that inevitably came home under the arm, at the end of the day, year after year.

Also, in an attempt to shift focus from themselves, the kids made homemade Valentine's to put inside their friends shoe boxes. Of course, an easier (and more cool, I am told) choice would have been store-bought varieties. My goal was to teach them that it takes time and intentional effort to show appreciation of friends. So, I also encouraged them to write a sentence specific to each recipient inside the card. Lastly, they affixed a picture of themselves from those sheets of tiny pictures that come from having school pictures taken at the start of each school year.

What are some family Valentine 's day traditions that you have or that you remember?

Personal Economic Stimulus Plan

2009-02-12T08:05:00.000-08:00

There has been an abundance of buzz talk about Obama's economic stimulus plan. It is being batted around on Twitter, Facebook, media and at the water cooler. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what should be included, modified or deleted. My son Josh is no exception. He shared his opinion in his post over at echodemic.

What I have been especially impressed with is the way friends and family have chosen to do, to create their own personal economic stimulus plans. I am not talking about what they would change about Obama's plan. I am talking about what small things individuals are doing to nudge along the economy in their own way. People are reaching out and pulling each other out of the economic muck.

My friend Leigh Anne was encouraging people around her to buy directly from crafts persons over the holidays, instead of buying gifts through big retail stores.

Other friends, Geourgina and Hearst, chose to keep the practice of buying farm goods locally, well past the Saturday Market season. Their family bought all winter vegetables, decorating greens and potted flowers (as gifts) from local vendors, to help keep local vendors afloat.

I have chosen to buy locally from small businesses, whenever I have the option to do so. This means continuing to buy coffee from local roaster Kobos (instead of mega-vendor Starbucks) and thinking of how to help promote them and other small businesses in the community that I favor. Warnecking Home Renovation, Flag Tree Service or Deven Miller (hair stylist) have all been promoted on my blog, Facebook and Twitter sites.

When we needed our carpets cleaned, I asked my friend Jenni for the contact information of a private cleaning service (TEK CLEAN) that she had recommended on her blog.

Our youngest son, Daniel, has been selling items he does not need and buying second-hand items that he wants. Those purchases help finance local individuals.

My friend Sindri has been out of work since November. Much of her time is spent looking for new employment. However, she and a few fellow unemployed friends are adding hours to their existing pattern of helping deliver meals to some local shut-ins. They are also trading childcare time with each other, when out on interviews and doing meal deliveries.

Are you making any intentional choices to personally stimulate the economy? If so, what are you doing?

What If....

2009-02-10T18:53:00.000-08:00

What would you do if you were doing some cleaning in your home and you stumbled across a hiding place within your home. Upon opening this hiding place you found something of significant value....say $200,000 in value. Your house is an older home and you are not the original owner.

This happened locally. Read the story about it here. Make sure that you read the variety of comments posted at the end of the article. Quite a varied range of responses.

What if this had happened to you? What would you do? It's your house. Should the treasure be yours to keep?

Best Intentions

2009-02-08T19:43:00.001-08:00

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong." ~ Murphy's Law

Even the best laid plans, the best intentions, sometimes really come off poorly. There is always that wild card, so to speak. It was a constipated neighbor dog finding relief just outside our front door, an unexpected (and unwelcome) visitor, worsened illness, mail theft, car trouble, jury duty notice, hit and run kid on a bike, flat tire, canceled event, etc. This week was a train wreck of things like that. It was Murphy's L aw, played out by the Groths.

Today, my oldest son, Josh, came by for a quick fly-by. He always can be counted on to infuse some energy and laughter into a situation. In an effort to throw some relief into our status, he showed me examples of the Murphy's Law examples of

(really) bad ad placements.

Take a look at a few:

Thanks for the comic relief, Josh!