Embracing a Stained Carpet Life

We've been living in the same home for 23 years. For the most part, we've raised and launched our 4 kids from here. In that time, we've hosted birthday parties, community meetings, committees, campaign gatherings, memorials, church groups, traveling friends and extended family holiday celebrations.

About 10 years into living here, we replaced the carpets. 13 (almost 14) years have passed through, as have multiple shedding pets, sticky-fingered exploring children and animated beverage-holding adults.

I vacuum twice a week. The carpets have been cleaned and freshened up, every year. Even with that maintenance and care, they show their age. The carpet is worn and rather permanently altered in a number of areas, sort of like us, the empty-nesters, that remain here.

We, and the carpet, have evidence of experiencing so much life!

A few years ago, I was very ready to have the carpet torn out and fresh, unstained carpet put in.  Those stains just jumped out at me. The stains were what I noticed, when I looked at the rooms in the house. Well, those and the worn out kitchen cupboard doors, the faded curtains and the couches that slump toward the middle.

We were ready to spruce up, revamp and replace all that was worn, anxious to have things look new again.

Then something happened:
there were big bills to pay for the chapter of life that we found ourselves in.

The worn carpets...and cupboards,
curtains and couches needed to remain,
as is...like us.

Older.

How deflating.

How embarrassing.

In a culture that favors youth and smoothness, newness and flair...our home interior
and ourselves,
did not fit like we use to.

A quick look in the living room...or in the mirror,
left us feeling out of place,
less of value,
less presentable.

Then came the unexpected
revelation and liberation.

If the carpets, cupboards, curtains and couches are already showing wear,
like us,
that leaves us care-free 
to entertain with abandon.

No additional stain, sag, wrinkle, smudge, snag or crack,
could make any noticeable difference.

The bondage
of keeping everything 'just so'
has no more rule over us.

We are embracing and
celebrating this reprieve.

We, and our home,
are stained and worn,
but our hearts and hospitality
are clean and fresh!

The Lesson of the Tree

I learned something from watching a tree,
during a strong wind.

It swayed in the direction the harsh wind pushed it to.

It didn't strain against the wind,
as if to argue its case.

It endured the wind and survived,
ready to enjoy a change of weather,
once it comes.

It was healthy and didn't topple,
because the roots are strong and deep.

Some weaker branches were torn off and wounded the tree,
but the overall structure of the tree survives.

Often, it thrives.

It's been proven that trees that have been through harsh seasons,
have stronger and deeper roots,
than those growing in milder climates.

I need to heed and embrace the lesson of the tree.

Mental Illness Within a Church Community

Why is mental illness so often treated differently than other illnesses, in a church environment? A person who reveals that he or she is battling a mental health issue, is often informed that much of the mental illness is based on their personal sinfulness or living in a selfish nature. Would we tell a person battling cancer that they have such an illness because they do not walk closely enough with God or because they are being selfish? Of course not!

So what is the problem and what can we do to change it?

I believe education is the best tool for combating insensitive and inaccurate 'advice'. I can't tell you how many times I've learned of people being wrongly 'diagnosed' by well-intentioned, ill-informed Christ-followers. 'Treatment' prescribed by such believers, are things like spending more time with God (shouldn't we all?), confess and repent something (shouldn't we all?), be more thankful/count your blessings (shouldn't we all?), etc. Making a person feel more sinful than everyone else, because of a mental health issue is counter-productive. I suggest that we, as individuals, take the time to educate ourselves on what mental illness really is. There is a wealth of information, readily available, on the Internet. A good place to start is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

So what can we do beside becoming better educated in this subject? Treat it like any other illness. Do you send a note, email or text message to someone, when they are ill, to tell them you miss them or are thinking of them? Do you provide a meal? Do you offer some entertainment, like a fun movie to watch or book to read, some conversation?  Do you offer to make the load a bit lighter by running an errand or doing a chore?  Do you relax your expectations, schedule-wise, while recouping? Do you offer a distraction and give encouragement by scheduling a visit-time, if it is welcomed? Do you offer help with transportation to appointments? When a person battles depression or other mental illness, we too-often treat the person like they are actually healthy and just need to get their act together. We would never do that for someone battling other chronic illnesses. 

Speaking of 'battling', that is exactly what it is: a battle. Join the person in battling depression or other mental illness. When we do any of the things mentioned above, we are battle soldiers along with them. We can pray with or for the person. We can note their progress (however small). We refrain from belittling when there are steps backward. We can stomp out peripheral gossip or criticism and grab the opportunity to educate those who do not understand.

I am so thankful that my church family is growing in awareness, in this area. Many are actively engaged in standing beside each other, as we battle mental illness and support each other with love trumping all possible obstacles. We have a long way to go (don't we always?), but I am rejoicing at how far we have come, as a community. 

If we consider that, in the USA alone, tens of millions of people are battling mental illness, each year, chances are good that we all know several people who are in a personal battle to find clear, rational thinking. Chances are good that each of you reading this have been in such a battle, for your own mental health, or will be at some point in your lifetime.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for guiding us in this and making us more sensitive, more loving, more about You. You are our Counselor, our Comforter, Physician and Prince of Peace. Please forgive us for the ignorance and apathy of our past. May we continue to grow to be more like Christ. May You show us how to be a part of what heals and makes us whole, not what decays and divides us. Father, may Your will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven.  In Jesus name, Amen!

All of Some

People are similar to a box of crayons.

Photo courtesy photos-public-domain.com

Some are perfectly shaped.
Some are differently contoured.

Some are overlooked.

Some are favorites.

Some are assertive.

Some are neutral.

Some are sharp. 

Some are dull. 

Some are broken.

Some are mended.

Some look new.

Some are wearing out.

All have names.

All are made of the same basic composition.

All have a usefulness.

All have a breaking point.

All leave a mark.

All are different colors.

All are important.

All come in the same wrappers.

All share the same box.

All have potential.

Conversational Prayer

I am updating my bulletin board in my office. I do this, from time to time, because it is basically a frame around what is currently drawing my attention. Perhaps it would be better to call it an ‘interests board’ instead of a ‘bulletin board’. It’s about matters that are significant to me. I choose what goes on it. I choose how it is arranged. I choose when to remove something.  

 I am an ‘I’ person, when arranging my bulletin board.

This is OK on a personal bulletin board. It is not OK in a conversation.  It is especially unproductive in prayer...which is basically a conversation, guided by the Holy Spirit and shared with our Father.

We’ve all been involved in circumstances around someone who is an ‘I’ person. The ‘I’ person chooses what topic is addressed. The ‘I’ person is only interested in his or her own opinion. The ‘I’ person has a plan, an order, a process. The ‘I’ person shares this with others in what is, in that person’s perspective, a conversation. The ‘I’ person does not pause for a response, encourage feedback or accept advice. This person is acting more like an information presenter, rather than a participant in a conversation.

We all know our own reactions to having lopsided conversations with an ‘I’ person.  Thoughts that come to my mind are often similar to these:

• Why is this person telling me this?
• My thoughts don’t matter to this person.
• My advice is not valued by this person.
• This is a waste of my time.

Yet, we often come before God as ‘I’ persons. I know that I have done so. I tell Him all about my plans, what I want to have concluded and what I think would feel better. I have lists. They are prioritized. 


I imagine, that His response to me is not too different than what I listed above as my own, when listening to an 'I' person.  If I behaved like that at the dinner table, no one would stay and talk with me. More importantly, I would miss the opportunity to gain insights, perspectives and advice.

Conversational Prayer: It’s a dialogue, not a monologue.

Slow Down

Have you ever noticed that when you walk through an area, you see things that you do not notice when you drive through the same area?

Growing a friendship is like that, too. Friendship grows in unexpected places, not unlike a flower sprouting out of a crack in the sidewalk.

Stay distracted or go by too fast = miss seeing the opportunity to notice friendship potential.

Parenting Adult Kids Has Provided Insight

 My kids are adults now. Our relationship with each other looks different than it did when they were children in need of protection, shaping, training and educating. I have noted a number of analogies about this relationship, that has provided insight to how my heavenly Father parents me.
For example:

• When I get notes or attention from my adult kids, just because they want to and not because it is a holiday, it strengthens our relationship. 
• When one of them shows interest in sharing their day-to-day events with me, I am fascinated and interested.
• When my kid is on the right track, I'm thrilled. I want my kid to know that I am pleased.
• When that isn't the case, I do all that is in my power to get that kid back on track, yet let the choices they make, be theirs to make.
• I'd rather know the truth, even if I don't like it, than have one of them choose to try to deceive me.
• Truthfully, I know them so well, that deception is apparent.
• All that I have, I give or share willingly with them.
• I am glad to encourage strengths that my kids have. 
• There is nothing that my kids could do, that would ever make me stop loving them or give up hope in their potential for good. 
• I want what is best for my kids, so that they lead emotionally and physically healthy, spiritually productive lives.
• Sometimes we don't agree on what 'best' is. 
• I have lived a lot longer than they have. With that longevity comes experience and insight. I am glad when they recognize this and seek my advice.
• I know that there are valuable lessons to be learned when they disregard or discard my advice.
• I like to give my kids something they don't really need, but something that I know they will enjoy, just because it makes me happy to do so. 
• I am careful to not indulge them too much, though, because I do not want them to come to me, only when they want something.
• I also know that what I want most, is for the kid to know he or she is loved by me, and to have the kid love me, in return.